paradisalogs | [closed]

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Who: South

i_got_this and Crowley

onlyanapple
What: Giant Ball of Awkward
When: Today
Where: Castle hallway
Rating: S for South, A for Awkward, B for Because

She still considered herself in hiding, but after talking with North and getting her diary back from Wash, she begins venturing outside of her room. Dinner in the kitchen, some weight training in the gym, she was gradually trying to get into the swing of things.

She didn't know where Crowley was, exactly, and she wasn't too keen on finding out. She hadn't seen him since the ship, however, and in this security let herself relax. Swimsuit on and towel in hand, she's headed to the pool for a few laps.

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Crowley's definitely keeping to himself, it's only when he can't stand staring at the same walls of the Nines that he lets himself wander, usually going Unnoticed, trying to prevent anyone from seeing him. It's on one of these walks he sees South, the surprise of which is enough to make him drop his invisibility.

...He honestly had not prepared himself to see her, and he'll just stand there or a moment, looking shocked and...very scared.

As if suddenly appearing weren't shocking enough, he's about the last person she wanted - or expected - to find. She immediately tenses, pushing back a step and throwing up a defensive stance, her adrenaline immediately kicking in.

She's terrified, seeing him and thinking back to the last few moments, and feeling her chest constrict in fear. Words fail her as she stands frozen to the spot, afraid to turn her back on him, afraid to get too close, afraid to move.

And he can tell that, of course he can, now his abilities are with him again. He knows all she wants is for him to leave her alone, and he'd be wrong to deny her that. He lets out a steady breath, his gaze dropping to the ground.

"Sorry," sorry for disturbing her, sorry for killing her, sorry for even pulling her into his life in the first place. "I'll...go."

She doesn't move, fists still raised and ready to strike, but after a moment she forces out a few desperate words.

"-- I didn't know you were back."

She wanted to tell him she forgave him, that she knew he wasn't in his right mind and that - even when she dared to think about his words from that moment - she knew he'd been trying to save her. All she can see when she looks at him, though, is pain and darkness. All she feels is her survival instincts on high alert.

He folds his arms around himself, leaning on the wall. It's not his usual slouch full of confidence and arrogance. No, it looks like he's leaning on it for support, to try and keep himself up, to keep himself together.

"Allen and Ino dagged me back," his voice is quiet, unwilling. "I only agreed to come back because they promised they'd kill me before this happened again."

South doesn't so much relax as avert her fists for the moment, forcing herself to drop them to her sides. She doesn't move closer. Seeing him like this is warring with her instincts, but it's not enough to drop her guard.

"I didn't think you could be killed." It's sharp, with a note of bitter jealousy.

"Holy water. Does it every time."

Some might say it wouldn't be wise for Crowley to tell this to someone who'd have a damn good reason to use this information against him, but the demon doesn't care. He gave York the same information, South deserves it too. If she should ever chose to use it...well, she'd be in her right, as far as he's concerned.

She pulls back slightly, looking surprised. It never would have crossed her mind to be something that simple, or that he'd even tell her. That's an awful lot of trust to give to one person, and for a moment she feels overwhelmed and a little angry that he told her.

She's already responsible for her brother's death, apparently, and she's trying to avoid turning into that person. She scowls, anger to hide the confusion. "Too bad I'm not very religious."

If Crowley's noticed it's caused her any inner turmoil, it appears he hasn't noticed. He gives a shrug in response, eyes to the ground.

"Yeah, well, that's hat priests and churches are for."

"Yeah well, they can have it." Her voice cracks slightly, because she doesn't want this. She doesn't want any of this, the inner turmoil, the fear, the fact that she's afraid to go near what was a rare, close friend in this place.

Crowley takes a while to reply to her, his brow furrowed, his eyes hidden as always under his sunglasses, disguising at least of of his own turmoil. Not that his own body language isn't already telling everything she'd need to know. He hates this, he hates that the castle can pull this out of him. Make him just like the other demons.

"So what now?" it's an honest question, whatever she wants, he'll grant it her.

She looks at up, uncertain. There is something encouraging about seeing him like this, looking like she feels. His question deflates her somewhat, and she glances away and gathers her towel in her arms.

"I ... don't know."

His shoulders tense, perhaps he was expecting her to have the answer. It's a vain hope, he knows, but he doesn't know how to move on from this. It's different to York. South is...well, there were different lines they'd crossed in their friendship, and now he finds them blurred. He honestly doesn't know where they stand any more, and he hates it.

"Me either."

She makes an awkward little nod. How do you heal from something like this? Was there any chance things would ever go back to normal?

"At least we're on the same page." At least they can agree that things are fucked up beyond recognition. She's thinking it's still best to ignore him for now, however, until she can sort through some of her conflicted feelings.

"Yeah."

He rubs the back of his neck, he's been avoiding the house for very specific reasons, but he misses it, the people within it are his family and he desperately wants to go back to them. But...he's the one who caused the problems so...

"I suppose one of us should probably move out."

Distance, right? He's sure that'll do...something.

"I'll go. Gotta finish setting my room up anyway."

Sorry, Crowley, but she felt she needed to try and strengthen some of her other friendships, since she couldn't run to Crowley right now when things blew up in her face.

"Okay."

He's not sure if he feels relief or sadness. It's like he's losing a part of his life he wasn't quite ready to give up yet, and there's nothing that can be done about it. He's suffered loss in the castle before, of friends and lovers, but usually because the castle took them away.

...Nothing like this.

"I, uh. I went home, too. Everyone ignored me, it was great." Her delivery is deadpan. She felt this somehow evened out him telling her about his weakness, though it doesn't make her feel any better,

Crowley glances up at her then, surprise crossing his features. Wow, it just went from bad to worse for he, didn't it?

"Did you at least get to smack some of them in the head for it?" he's trying a light conversational tone and failing horrifically.

"No. It was tempting, though." A moment after the words are out of her mouth, she flushes and glances away. She worried that thoughts like this are what eventually lead to what she does in her future. Still, after that visit home it hadn't felt like she was entirely at fault. They'd been practically driving her away, in her opinion.

"Doesn't matter here, though, does it? At least, that's what York says." She casts him a surreptitious glance at that, looking for his reaction.

Crowley would normally make a comment about tempting, but he just can't find it in himself just yet. The mention of York gets a reaction, though. Something like fear crosses his face for a moment, before it sinks back to the resigned sadness he's been carrying for weeks.

"York does know his stuff, he's a good person to listen to."

"He's not so bad, here." It took her some time to realize that, but it's helped her come to helpful realizations in other aspects of her life.

For example, she may not be anywhere near relaxed, and she may not be closing the distance between them at all, but at least she wasn't running. Part of her wanted to, it was a strong instinct, but for the moment she held off.

"I've always valued his input."

Probably because he could always count on York to tell it like it is, and not let his personal feelings get in the way.He can tell she wants to run, the desire to do so is coming off her in waves, he slumps a little against the wall.

"I won't stop you from going."

She doesn't answer, and for the longest moment doesn't move. She wanted everything to be back to normal, wanted to just make some crass joke about the whole thing and forget it.

But she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to say anything. She also couldn't bring herself to move.

Eventually, though, the press of the awkwardness of the situation becomes unbearable. She dips her head and turns to go, trying to keep him in her peripheral vision. She's not even at a point to be comfortable turning her back to him.

He notices, of course he does, and it makes his stomach sink. He's been nothing but a monster, the one thing he swore he'd never be, no matter what Hell put him through. He always wanted to be above the actions of his fellow demons.

Wordlessly, he turns his back on her, heading down the hall, leaving her go her way as she will.

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