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paradisalogs2013-08-13 02:08 pm
lord_wizard) wrote in paradisalogs2013-08-13 02:08 pm
Entry tags:
It has made me better loving you
Who: Felix and Gideon
What: Felix stops by with some books and a confession
When: This evening
Where: Gideon's room
Rating: Pg-13
The two books had sat largely undisturbed on his mantle for the last two years. Ashura knew they were there, and until now they were nothing but a distant reminder of the past. It did not seem fair to his current lover now, to have those haunt his vision, just as it did not seem fair that they did not rest with their true owner. Felix tucked them under an arm and swept out of his apartment before Ashura could arrive and question him as to his destination, though he assured himself he was only returning some books. Though not to the library.
The past few months had been a surreal blur filled with pain and sorrow but also the occasional bright spots of elation, like the sun coming out from behind patchy clouds. They were few, but always welcomed when they came. Seeing and then losing his brother again was a bittersweet ache of it's own, and the absence of the obligation d‘âme was again a noticeable derth somewhere deep in his soul. The impermanence of his life here in the castle was never quite a clear as when he felt that loss anew. It threw into starker light that which he still had. But what he did have was a tenuous thing - Ashura and Gideon - both subject to the same possible fate of disappearing at any moment. He knew now that while he could care for them both, the tension that still warred between the two of them would never get better. Neither was likely to be as pragmatic as he when it came to the wages of desire.
And he still desired Gideon, which was not all that surprising, but it wasn't until he'd almost died that he realized how much. Moreover, Gideon was not aware of why, if he was even aware of that fact at all. It did not seem fair to hide that now. Even if he ended up with nothing, he had to confess those feelings or he would sink under the weight of them before allowing the guilt of his silence to kill him. Handing over the books was just one way to free himself from that, though in what way remained to be seen.
Felix affected a smile and knocked on the door.
What: Felix stops by with some books and a confession
When: This evening
Where: Gideon's room
Rating: Pg-13
The two books had sat largely undisturbed on his mantle for the last two years. Ashura knew they were there, and until now they were nothing but a distant reminder of the past. It did not seem fair to his current lover now, to have those haunt his vision, just as it did not seem fair that they did not rest with their true owner. Felix tucked them under an arm and swept out of his apartment before Ashura could arrive and question him as to his destination, though he assured himself he was only returning some books. Though not to the library.
The past few months had been a surreal blur filled with pain and sorrow but also the occasional bright spots of elation, like the sun coming out from behind patchy clouds. They were few, but always welcomed when they came. Seeing and then losing his brother again was a bittersweet ache of it's own, and the absence of the obligation d‘âme was again a noticeable derth somewhere deep in his soul. The impermanence of his life here in the castle was never quite a clear as when he felt that loss anew. It threw into starker light that which he still had. But what he did have was a tenuous thing - Ashura and Gideon - both subject to the same possible fate of disappearing at any moment. He knew now that while he could care for them both, the tension that still warred between the two of them would never get better. Neither was likely to be as pragmatic as he when it came to the wages of desire.
And he still desired Gideon, which was not all that surprising, but it wasn't until he'd almost died that he realized how much. Moreover, Gideon was not aware of why, if he was even aware of that fact at all. It did not seem fair to hide that now. Even if he ended up with nothing, he had to confess those feelings or he would sink under the weight of them before allowing the guilt of his silence to kill him. Handing over the books was just one way to free himself from that, though in what way remained to be seen.
Felix affected a smile and knocked on the door.