closed | everybody knows the world's about to end

[willrememberthat]

Who: Clementine and Joel
What: Pestering and talking about sad things, most likely.
When: Today.
Where: Joel's room.
Rating: D for Damn Joel your life is Dark.

It's been a strange month. Since coming back from her trip home, Clementine's felt like she's been living in a haze. Nothing feels real. Lee, Ben, Carley--she's been spending all of her time with people that she had to force herself to move past, push to the back of her mind. Every morning she's a little surprised to still be in the castle. She's surprised to see them. The repeating shock to her system is more exhausting than she'd ever imagine.

When she thinks about it, the only time things felt solid was when that thing nearly killed her and Ben. Otherwise, she feels like she's experiencing everything through a dirty window.

It's not a good thing. She knows that much. But she's not really sure how to bring that up to anyone without them coddling her or worrying too much themselves. Lee, especially. They sort of talked about it, but it's not like there's an easy solution, and god, she's freaked him out enough already being the way she is now.

Clementine figures she just needs more time to readjust and get used to not living a life full of walkers and loss. It shouldn't be this hard. She'll get over it, eventually.

Eventually.

Instead of sitting around and dwelling on things she doesn't think can be fixed today, she heads out into the hall and goes over to Joel, Tess, and Ellie's room. Maybe she'll hang out with Ellie, if the girl isn't worried about giving her another concussion. Maybe she'll try to make nice with Tess, since she gave it a decent attempt lately. Maybe she'll chat with Joel. It all depends on who is home.

She lifts her hand and knocks.

Comments

[focusrighthere]

That gets a low laugh out of him, the sound barely anything but air. Joel rubs at her back before loosening his grip. God, she's so little.

"Don't worry, I believe you."

The conversation has helped, honestly, and he can feel it. He's not sure if there's anyone else he could share this much with and feel this easy about it. Even Ellie, who tries, but will never have the perspective of someone born before the outbreak. Even Tess, who does, but both of those relationships are complicated.

"Thanks for takin' the time to visit an old man."

[willrememberthat]

She settles back down into her own seat, but stays close.

"It's not like you're in a retirement home or anything," she replies with a smile. Not even close. "I like visiting you."

More than Tess, more than Ellie. Joel is the easiest to talk to and relate to, which is sort of sad considering the age gap there. But, of course, Clementine doesn't mind.

[focusrighthere]

Compared to Clem, he's ancient. Joel doesn't point that out, though, just shoots her a look that implies it. One that is both fond and amused.

He would agree. Despite their age gap, she's one of the easiest people around here to talk to. Go figure.

"You must, for all the times it's meant runnin' into Tess."

[willrememberthat]

Lee's given her that look a few times, so she knows it well. It's met with a knowing smile.

"It's worth it. I think we're getting along better, now..." Now that she's older, and now that she doesn't take shit as easily or let it get to her. Tess isn't the worst person she's met. "And I guess she can't be that bad if you like her."

Yeah. Clem knows.

[focusrighthere]

Smart little kid. Not that they've done a great job of hiding it. Joel rubs at the back of his neck.

"She's alright," he jokes, dryly. "Glad you're gettin' on better. She's really not as bad as she wants people to think."

[willrememberthat]

"I think she had fun putting make up on me," Clem says, making a face. "Maybe we'll do more stuff like that."

[focusrighthere]

Joel makes a face too. Kid's eleven, Tess. "She put make up on you?" A pause. "Did you like it?"

A foreign activity to him, but hey, if it helps them bond.

[willrememberthat]

Clementine pauses, too.

"Not that much."

[focusrighthere]

Joel moves his hand to his face, hiding a quick and low chuckle under it.

"Well, she tried."

And she might be trying just for his sake. He doesn't want to explain to Clem what their jobs were before and how smuggling almost never involved children. Until the one time it did. He can talk about Sarah a bit, about Tess and Ellie, but he can't talk about any of the in-between that would horrify his own daughter if she was alive.

[willrememberthat]

After seeing how Joel could easily disarm and kill a man, Clementine wouldn't be surprised. Sad, maybe, but not frightened. They all had to do terrible things to survive. You just don't kill dogs Luke had said. She'd killed more than just dogs and walkers. People, too.

What matters is that right now, in this moment, Joel is kind and friendly and safe. She knows he'd fight to keep her safe, just like she'd fight to keep him safe as well.

"It got her points."

[focusrighthere]

He absolutely values certain lives over others. Clementine's would be one of them. He shoots her a side-glance, smirking as he as says something completely unlike himself but true.

"Don't tell anyone else, but I like bein' your favorite."

Joel knows that out of Tess and Ellie both, he's won that title. He just knows.

[willrememberthat]

Clementine laughs. He's right, he's the favorite, and she can't see that changing anytime soon. Sure, he reminds her of what she's lost--a father, even her surrogate--but he's a reminder of what could be. She could survive.

And it's comforting to know that should Lee ever leave, there would be someone she could rely on to take care of her. She knows by now that she can take care of herself, but that doesn't mean she doesn't want someone to fill in that role.

"I figured it was obvious."