paradisalogs | Felix & Ashura: Reunion Recovery [ Closed ]

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Felix & Ashura: Reunion Recovery [ Closed ]

Who: Ashura & Felix
What: Ashura and Felix wake up the day after the reunion, and it leaves some awkward feelings and questions behind
When: the morning after the end of the reunion
Where: Ashura & Felix's bedroom in their suite
Warnings: two men cuddling in a bed, angst (quite possibly)

The first thing to occur to Ashura was that the bed felt strange. He did not feel cramped, and he was not wearing anything - silk meeting his skin directly. It was not a bad feeling, by any means, but it felt wrong after a week of sleeping tightly against another, and in boxers and a shirt for the dignity of others. What others though? Grandmother, mother, father... the words drifted through his mind and he balked at them, wondering why the image of a little red and white fuzzy creature appeared instead of the stalwart face of his face. It felt horribly wrong and he shoved it aside quickly, turning over to grope for his red-headed fiance.

He found him easily, sighing in relief as he spooned up behind him, arm secure around the other, holding him tight. Another word drifted through his thoughts - husband. It made him smile, surprised no guilt followed it with the inevitable thoughts of Yasha. But he had come to terms with that, and allowed himself to be happy with Felix. After nearly one hundred years of pain, it was time he had this small pleasure before his death, whenever that might come.

He lifted his head up, kissing the pale ear against the fiery hair, breathing in the sweet ginger scent he adored, a bit of the wood still clinging to it.

"Good morning, husband," he whispered sleepily, a part of him still foggy from the warped memories, reaching for that word without thinking.

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The second he opened his eyes, the reality hit him like a runaway wagon. The life he'd believe he'd led for the last week had been fake. Every memory erased of any trace of his own world, except for the masquerading presence of the woman that might have been his mother and his old master, Malkar. Worse, the interjection of the two men he'd thought of as his brothers.

He lay there a moment, staring up at the ceiling, trying to sort things in his mind, when Ashura begin to shift and muttered sleepily in his ear.

Felix swallowed, remembering flashes of their life together.

"...Ashura. We're back," he said, his voice tense, reaching up to brush his lover's cheek.

"Are we?" he mumbled, opened his eyes a bit more to take it in, asserting that yes, this was their room in the Castle. He sighed, slumping down into the sheets and mass of pillows they kept, threading their fingers idly along Felix's belly.

"I have to say, I'm enjoying being back in a big bed," he yawned lazily, his mind slow to work through the hazy fabric of memories laid out for him by the Castle, false and slowly drilling an ache into him.

"Another reason to be thankful we aren't going on the expedition, I suppose."

He ran a hand over his face, trying to pushing away the lingering webs of sleep, hoping maybe that would take the memories with it.

Hesitantly he asked, "what...do you remember?"

Ashura turned onto his side to watch him, quiet a moment as he thought how to answer.

"I remember having a mother and a father, a grandmother - Galadriel of all people.... a husband..." he let the other trail off, looking at him, wondering if it would be a word to set the other running.

He didn't run, though there was a moment of tension in his body at the mention of it.

"A family," he whispered roughly to the ceiling.

"Yes, and you were a part of it," he insisted gently, coming back over him and wrapping his arm around him, pressing his face against his neck, nuzzling gently to try and soothe him, knowing Felix had always been tense about such subjects and not wanting to have the other shy away from him for it.

He closed his eyes and laid a hand lightly on Ashura's shoulder.

"But it wasn't..." he began, before the rest died on his lips. Was it not real? What he felt for Ashura was genuine - the false life hadn't altered that - though the circumstances were so different.

Golden eyes swept up the bi-colored beauty of Felix's, framed with those lovely red locks. He kissed his neck and the space over his heart before resting his head once more upon him.

"Real or a dream, I... was happy," he admitted. "The memories of you - while, interesting... I could find no fault with." He shifted Felix's hand from his shoulder, threading their fingers idly. "I cannot say I enjoy having my mind messed with, but there are far crueler things for the castle to have done than give me the memories of a happy life."

He squeezed Ashura's fingers, half reassurance and half anger at the castle. "Even if it made you forgot your real one, happy or not?"

"Ah, and there in lies the cruelty," he murmured, nuzzling his neck and kissing the shell of his ear idly, slow in the morning, enjoying the warmth of their bed and his lover. "But... it does not change that I was happy there either."

It was too much. He felt it there, lingering between them...the expectation of a happy life that they could never really have. The castle, being the way it is, would never permit such a thing.

He sat up suddenly, and angled his legs off the bed, hand clenched on the edge.

Ashura sighed, knowing he had pushed to far again. He was always unsure, of where that line was with Felix. It was hard to understand his aversion to it, though parts of him did.

He scooted up behind him, wrapping his arms around his middle, pressing soft kisses to his shoulders, neck, the back of his head.

"I am happy like this too," he murmured to him. "I am happy, waking up with someone I love it. It is more than I have ever had."

Tension shot through his body and held for a few moments. It always hurt a little, when Ashura confessed that he loved him. Part was because he still doubted that he deserved it, and part because he couldn't bring himself to say it in return. And what kind of expectations had that false life stirred up? Ever since their engagement, he'd been dodging the idea of a wedding, but now Ashura had the memory of one. He was still too sure that such a thing was tempting fate.

He relaxed a fraction and sighed. "All the more reason you'd want more..."

"I have done with much less most of my life," he reminded him, kissing his cheek before brushing his fingers through the fiery hair. "I am not pressuring you, Felix. Really, I am happy."

He relaxed back into Ashura's weight, still shaking a little.

"It was so strange..."

He was glad to offer the support, wrapping his arms around him, holding firmly, but not enough to be restrictive.

"But in a good way or a bad way?" he inquired, curious as to how the other took the whole experience.

He was silent a moment.

"I don't know. Both. I never...I never really had a family..." he said quietly.

"Shhh," he whispered, brushing his hair some more, pressing a soft kiss to his shoulder.

"We just woke up, no need to get tense," he hummed.

"Well, it's going to go away just because it's morning," he said unhappily, though he didn't move away.

He tugged the man back into bed, pinning him down into the mattress and straddling him. Fingers stroked the high cheekbones, looking down into those bi-colored eyes.

"You are cute when you pout, Felix, but not when you frown," he said, kissing the corner of his mouth.

He let out a short, rasping laugh, still holding stubbornly to his pain, but the last of his physical resistance seemed to crumble with a tiny shiver, his knuckles brushing affectionately against Ashura's jaw.

"There we are," he smiled, brushing his jaw with the tips of his fingers and kissing him deeper, nibbling his lower lip a little.

He moaned softly into the kiss and ran a hand down the length of his lover's back.

"Don't tell anyone I'm this easy..."

A shiver passed through him at the touch, smiling at him, pushing stray strands of red away from his face.

"No, of course not," he chuckled. "I shall keep your reputation perfectly intact, my dear ~"

Felix sighed and ran his fingers through a length of Ashura's hair. The feel of the silky strands seemed to help calm him.

"Why, thank you, darling..." he said. "What shall we do now?"

"Considering the position I am in...." he arched a brow at him, moving his lips to kiss along his neck. "Unless you find yourself still to sleepy?"

"I meant-" his protest died a little as he tilted his head back.

"Mmmm...nevermind. No, I feel like I've been caught in a dream for a week. I've had enough sleeping for the moment."

"So we shall not sleep," he teased, running his hands over him, bending his head down and kissing along his chest with a quiet sound. "This, at least, did not change between the dream and the reality... "

He sighed, tracing fingertips over the king's shoulders.

"I am glad...that the reality continues to please you..."

"The reality has never failed to please me," he kissed his chest gently, eyes flickering up to watch his face at those words.

His mouth twisted into a smile, containing only a slight trace of sadness. He couldn't let go of the idea that in some ways Ashura was romanticizing him, and some day that would wear off and show who he really was.

Even if it did, and there was no sign that it would, it hardly effected the now. He kissed along the other's chest, his mouth closing gently over a pink bud, tongue stroking it, paying it the same attention you might pay to the altar of a god.

He gasped and gripped the bedsheets, shivering a little with the sensation, cock hardening along with the flesh that occupied his lover's mouth.

"Powers..."

He grinned, loving how he could drive the other to such distractions as this. It brought a fluttering heat to his breast, a similar one running down to his groin. Gods Felix, the things you made him want to do, want to feel. His fingers scraped his sides, teeth closing down sharply on the little treat between his lips, tugging.

He couldn't stop a small shout that trailed into a hungry mewling whimper as he writhed a bit, rolling his hips against his lover in a vaguely plaintive way. It wasn't so much the pain that excited him, but the aggressive beast that Ashura had found a way to unleash this way. A few scrapes and bruises was more than acceptable to feel a little of that again, although he found himself sometimes hoping Ashura would choose to take it a step further. Asking for that seemed to be impossible, but the idea didn't completely repel him as it might once have.

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Felix & Ashura: Reunion Recovery [ Closed ]

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