paradisalogs | [OPEN]

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Who: The Freelancers and anyone else
What: Nightmares
When: Through the Nightmare plot
Where: The Mother of Invention
Rating: TBD, potential warning for torture or other really bad things, as RvB Freelancer era isn't very nice

This is the Frigate Mother of Invention. The home base of the UNSC's top secret Project Freelancer. As much as the frigate might have been lively before, now it's full of eerily empty echoing halls, windows into the empty blackness of space, and alarms that seem to be going off all too frequent. The training areas have grown a darker, more sinister air. As for the medical areas and the research labs? You really don't want to go there.

[OOC: Okay, there will be specific nightmare threads within this that I'll be linking on the main post and I will put warnings if any of those might be too bad. If you'd like to join in from outside cast, either hit one of those or start a new thread. We'll be tagging around, and I'll link any new threads you might set up.]

Locker Room (York) | Ranking Board (South) | Implantation Room (Washington) (Warning, not sure how bad this might be) | The Director (Carolina)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[A movie?]

Something tame. Maybe a kids' movie.

[But he's nodding as he grabs a coffee and some toast for himself. Yeah, that might help him calm down.]

Maybe something with a bunch of baby animals.

[...yeah he just admitted to liking baby animals.]

[Carolina grins over at him at his mention of baby animals. Fierce spec ops soldier as he is, he still likes baby animals. Grabbing her own mug, she pads over toward the couch.] Don't know any of those movies off the top of my head.

D? [He's hoping Delta has some idea.]

Of course. Would you prefer animation or live action?

Live action. Maybe with some British guy narrating.

[And Delta wishes up a copy of some pseudo-documentary about a year in the life of some baby tigers, which York puts in.]

[Carolina sets her coffee mug down and takes a couple moments to start the fire before returning to her seat next to him. Tossing a blanket over them, she leans up against him as the first bits of narration start, detailing how much a mother tiger cares for her cubs.]

[York doesn't even pretend not to cling to her, trying to take comfort in her body heat and even in her scent, reassuring himself that the dream is over and they're right here together, and that she isn't leaving him suspended in zero gravity in an elevator shaft. The baby tigers are tiny and mewling onscreen, and between that and the light breakfast he seems to be calming down at least a little.]

[And she's more than comfortable with letting him cling. It's comforting to her that at least one of her team isn't afraid of her, especially considering he's he man she loves. She's not tired in the slightest, but she's slowly relaxing against him, letting her mind stew away while he watches the baby tigers do their adorable thing.]

[Afraid of her? No. He respects her, yeah, but he also trusts her, despite the dream-memory he'd just had. York had never though of himself as her enemy, even when they were fighting - which had just as much to do with him losing as her skills did.

But that was a long time ago, or hadn't happened yet, and right here, right now, she wants to be with him. That's all that should matter, right?]

[If Carolina thought about it, she'd find the fact that he still loves her after all that and after eight or so years impressive. But she doesn't and sometimes it's nice to not think about the fact that there's that many years spanning between them. Sure, he's 40 and she's 29, but it doesn't really feel like that much of a difference most of the time and even if she did feel the difference, it wouldn't matter to her. York is still York.

Uh oh, one of the baby tigers wanders away from its mother.]

[Uh oh, it seems to be wandering...over to a baby water buffalo or something, who seems to be just as curious of the tiger as the tiger is of it. It's kind of adorably cute, and York smiles weakly at the antics.

This was definitely a good idea, baby animals and all. Better than sitting in the dark and reflecting on what had just happened, anyway.]

[Carolina flicks her gaze up at him when he smiles a bit, feeling some relief when he does. It's not perfect but it's a start. The tiger seems to make fast friends with the water buffalo. That is, until its mother finds out that her cub is missing.

While she watches, Carolina slowly intertwines her fingers in York's, thumb stroking lightly over his knuckles.]

[He forces himself to relax at her touch rather than gripping it tightly, though his cuddling isn't any less aggressive. Her warmth is helping, and so is the baby animal movie. It's not long before daylight begins coming in through the curtains.

As the baby tigers play, York finally relaxes his hold on her a little bit.]

Listen, Carolina--I'm sorry I never told you before.

[About their fight.]

[Despite knowing that the aggressive cuddling is a sign that something's wrong, Carolina can't really say she minds the fierce nature to his affection since they woke up from the nightmare.]

Did you think I would walk out if you did? [It's an honest question, her tone level. She knows they didn't have the easiest summer or the easiest year, really, but this is something she would've wanted to know a while ago.]

[He sighs, because there's not really a good answer to that which isn't grounded in York's own insecurities. Not what Delta would call logical.]

That since you found me lacking once, you might do the same again? Pretty good chance, yeah.

And, well. That's not how I wanted to remember you. That's when things were bad. I liked remembering the good times.

York. [Carolina frowns, fear sparking up in her gut at his words. Maybe they weren't as secure as she thought they were. She leans up a little from him to regard him carefully. For a moment, she wonders if having the future constantly hanging over them is more of a roadblock than a help. At first she just wants to continue prying, to ask if there's anything else she should know, but she figures that's not the best avenue to take right now.]

I asked all those questions, asked Wash for a reason.

You've never been content to have half when you can have it all. I know that.

[He rubs the back of his neck, a sure sign that he's uncomfortable about what he's talking about. The physical contact with Delta's chip helps, as always, to soothe his nerves a little.]

And when you first got here, I know your mind was still back there all the time. Telling you about the Project and why I left it wouldn't have done anything but make you mad, even if I did have good reasons.

After you'd been here a while, well. I guess I just didn't want to think about it, because it's something you'd be going right back to. Better to focus on what we have here while it lasts. The rest will happen soon enough.

[Carolina watches him as he speaks, trying to be more relaxed about the words coming out of his mouth, but finding more fear surging into her belly. He's right, of course, but it doesn't make it any better to hear, no matter who it's from. The back of her mind quickly supplies that Texas was likely better at relaxing than her too, and a jealous anger storms into her chest, boots stomping.

He does have the right to withhold information from her, but she can't help but feel the pressure of the nightmare, South's fear of her, her fight with York, Wash walking in on her talking to the Director; all of it reminding her that this likely wouldn't have happened if it were Texas here. Texas, the one-woman cleanup crew, wiping up after Carolina's mistakes, the one the Director trusted more.

Her mouth presses into a thin line and she wonders if he can see the number two over her head. After a moment she just nods and slowly gets to her feet.] Want some water?

[No, if Tex were here, the nightmares would have been very different indeed. ~~Cough, retconning, cough.~~ The funny thing is, though? York's never seen Carolina as number two. It was probably because he seemed to effortlessly rise near the top anyway, but it wasn't, to him, the point of the Project at all. Especially not after he had Delta. So he frowns a little when she gets up, too, not being able to tell what's going on in her mind except that it's probably him messing things up again somehow.]

--Sure.

[Carolina pads over toward the kitchen to grab a couple glasses of water, silent as she does so. Her mind starts replaying the nightmares one by one. First Wash, then South, and when her mind cycles back to her nightmare with York, she clenches her jaw a little. Maybe it's really not a question of if she'll go over the edge but when and suddenly the weight of inevitability tugs on her shoulders.

She disappoints all of them at one point or another, tells them essentially that they're not as important as her. She's the number one, she's all important, the team can just go to hell.

When she finishes filling the second glass, she pads back his way, trying to offer a weak smile.] Here.

[It's not that he doesn't understand why she did what she did. It's just that he wishes she would have chosen differently.

But she didn't.

He'll take the water and try to tug her back down to watch baby tigers some more. It looks like their mama is trying to protect them from a hungry wild dog.]

Thanks.

[He drinks about half the glass in one gulp before setting it down on the side table.]

So. What do you say we do a lot of training this week? Try to force ourselves to be too tired to dream?

[Carolina settles down next to him easily enough, sipping her water a little more slowly as an attempt to distract herself. The tigers aren't doing as much for her as they had before, instead watching them with some jealousy and even more regret. How many lives had she inadvertently ruined already? If South and Wash remembered their nightmares... would either of them even speak to her?

His question barely fazes her and she shakes her head in response, going right back to her train of thought as she replies,] No.

[That would have been her tried and true method, but with what she'd just experienced in the nightmare and just heard from York, she'd... she needed to hold the crazy off as long as possible.]

[York blinks at her, frowning a little. For once he was offering to do things her way and she didn't want to?

Maybe she's been affected as much as he has, and just isn't showing it? It's hard to say.]

No?

[It's as gentle a probing question as he's capable of right now, definitely nothing accusatory. "Why" would probably have been a better way to word it.]

No. [She just goes back to sipping her water, keeping her emoting to as little as possible, not to stonewall him, but she just doesn't know what to do. Obviously her usual methods, which she likely continued back home, only lead down the path to her inevitable demise, so she had to try and prevent that.

Somehow. Even though she hates the idea of sitting back and doing nothing. ~~And it might just drive her as crazy as if she trained for hours upon hours.~~]

Uh, okay.

[He's not going to ask if she's okay, because--well, if her dreams were as bad as his, there's no way. Instead his frown deepens a little and he reaches for her hand.]

Want to do something else instead? I don't--I mean, you don't have to spend it with me if you don't want to.

[But he really needs to not be alone right now.]

I want to. [Sure, she's not being the most social with the revelation that he didn't tell her because he didn't want her to leave, but she does still want to be here. With him. Leaving would just make things worse for both of them. Instead of moving, she stays right there next to him, trying to watch the baby tigers, but finding it difficult to distract herself.]

[He smiles weakly.]

Good.

[There's a long pause while he watches the screen blankly.]

I love you, you know.

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