Don't you draw the Queen of Diamonds, boy, she'll beat you if she's able.

[teratologist]

Who: The Queen of Hearts and you..yes, I mean you
What: A lovely day for croquette
When: Thursday, Wonderland plot week.
Where: Queens courtyard
Rating: PG13, mild animal violence?


"CARDS!"

The Queen fussed and fumed at their slow progress to getting the giant game set for play. A whole pen of flamingos had yet to be herded properly. The armadillos were dashing under the hedges and suits were scrambling after them.

This was all that girl's fault, that Alice. She'd been through earlier and asked all sorts of impertinent questions, making people think. How dare she? It was enough to send the Queen in a rage where in a half dozen cards were sent to their deaths.

Refreshments and punch were on the tables that lined the courtyard. The garish, brilliant colors of the decorations and red roses left little doubt to the theme of things. All that was missing was the guests.

Comments

[originalcopy]

Church observed the chaos and muttered a few choice curses under his breath. This was exact sort of thing he was trying to avoid.

He'd been so focused on trying to get through the maze and so distracted by trying not to think about what Wash had told him, that he'd forgotten to notice the blips on his motion tracker.

Maybe he could backtrack and try to find a way around?

[teratologist]

Sadly Leonard Church, you are now formally invited to the festivities. Two cards came up on either side of the man and ushered him forward through the maze toward the Queen and her gathering entourage of suits busy readying the croquet field.

[originalcopy]

Why do things never go his way? Oh right, the universe hates him, that's why. He could probably fight his way past the cards, but then all hell would break loose. Best to go along for now and hope for a chance to make a break for it.

"Oh hey, card guys. You know I'm not really a... whatever the hell that game is supposed to be kind of guy. Maybe I could sit this one out?"

He shrugs, he had to at least give it a shot.

[teratologist]

No,no,no Church. You can't just ease out of this one. Nope you're being fussed over and getting a cap tossed on your head, like those silly golf caps with the fuzzy balls on top? Yes only this is bright read and gold with hearts all over it. And don't look now but a card is trying to pull red argyle socks on your feet.

[originalcopy]

Yeah, good luck getting that on over the armored boots. And red, seriously... there is only so much of this he can take.

"Oh for fucks sake, is this really necessary?!"

He'd liked to think he was dealing with the whole situation pretty well. He'd only taken a single pot shot at one of the plethora of oddities here. But his scant supply of patience had been pretty worn down recently. He was not having a good day.

[teratologist]

Which is of course the best time for the Queen to happen upon you. Bit dismayed by the look of her at all that blue. But still you're here to play and that's what counts. Until the potty mouth that is.

"Such language!"

[originalcopy]

"Huh?"

He mutters a quick ohshit under his breath, this was that ax crazy queen York was talking about. The one he was supposed to be avoiding.

"... sorry?"

[teratologist]

"Much better! Now I see you didn't come prepared to play but the suits will sort you out shortly. I think you'll need a tall mallet. Yes..that one."

She pointed as a card began to usher a tall, very pink, very wide eyed flamingo toward Church.

[originalcopy]

"That's... a flamingo."

He'd never seen one outside of a trailer park, and those ones were plastic. He glances from the unenthusiastic bird to the Queen and back.

"Why do I need a flamingo exactly?"

[teratologist]

"...How else do you propose to play?"

She eyed him as if he was daft and summoned a card to bring her a flamingo. In a movement like she was wringing it's neck she brought the birds neck out straight and it went stiff as a board. She took a few experimental swings to get comfortable.

[originalcopy]

Right, because he's the daft one here. No wonder the bird looks so freaked out. He looks the creature over, trying to figure out a way to get the same results without the risk of actually killing the hapless creature.

"I don't suppose you can do that on your own?"

He mumbles an apology and gently tries to pull the flamingos neck out strait. He holds out the stiffened bird and looks it in the eyes.

"And I thought my job sucked."

[teratologist]

"Very good, very good. Now come along over here."

She waved the armor suited man over and snapped her fingers, a card grabbed and armadillo and rolled it up into a ball, setting it before the Queen. She pulled back the flamingo and let it swing, the head clunking soundly against the ball-o-dillo and the latter rolled crazily toward the hoops and stick that formed the actual point of the game.

[originalcopy]

"Rriight."

Church gave the flamingo a couple of experimental swings before stepping up to take his turn. He considered feeling bad for the flamingo but better a headache than a lost head right?

"Well, here goes."

He swung the bird into the ball-o-dillo and watched it careen wildly around the field. What was the point of this game?

[teratologist]

"You swing the mallet, hit the ball through the hoops and tag the pole. That is how you score. Watch!"

She pulled back and swung hard, the poor bird squawked when it slammed head long into the armadillo and the balled creature rolled more or less toward the hoops but it was obviously not going to make it. Just shy of them it uncurled, peeked around with one eye and scrambled through the hoops to hit the post beyond.

"See? Easy as cake!"

[originalcopy]

"Easy huh,"

He pulled back and swung his 'mallet', though not nearly as hard as the Queen had done. The 'ball' rolled it's way through the hoops, stopping just shy of the post. He was reasonably certain that an ax happy Queen wouldn't appreciate being shown up at her own game. Tempting as it was.

"Easy."

[sandoval]

Thankfully the Queen was just about to receive a guest - one elven ambassador who seemed to be quite enjoying the sights he'd found in Wonderland. He had heard about this game at the Queen's Palace whispered around on his journeys, and he simply had to observe! He wasn't quite sure what he was getting into, but what he was sure of was that his services of buttering up royalty and other such individuals were likely required here - after he heard a rather royal-sounding person shouting for some cards of some sort.

Stepping into the courtyard set aside for croquet, Sandoval's eyes darted around until he found who he was looking for - the Queen herself. Smiling, he approached, only taking a brief glance at the refreshments - and what yummy refreshments they looked like, too. But now was not the time for distractions! He continued approaching the queen, bowing to her when he got close enough. "Ah, your Grace. It is an honor to finally meet you! I am Sandoval, ambassador to Xoan - and I was hoping I could observe this game to become further acquainted with your land's customs, my lady!"

[teratologist]

She was, in a word, stunned. Few people ever addressed her with what she felt was the proper respect, The King was an exception to most rules of course. SO this turn was very pleasing and she smiled, no radiantly beamed at the new comer.

"Well you are most welcome indeed Ambassador Sandovsal! It is a refreshing change to have such grace in court these days. Won't you please have some refreshment? I'd be happy to educate you on my fair little land."

[sandoval]

Few people were also likely brave enough to venture toward her, seeing how violent she was to her Cards. But Sandoval certainly didn't mind - in fact, one could argue he was used to such things, with the Mistress being such a good friend of his.

Regardless, the ambassador grinned as he was accepted well. "Of course, thank you, your Majesty." He was happy to then saunter over to the refreshments, and get himself a few things, before stepping back to her side, and examining the field and the gardens around. "My, you have a lovely palace... and such extensive gardens. It's a wonder the servants have enough time in the day to get to it all!"