[open!]

[i_got_this]

Who: South i_got_this and YOU!
What: Drinkin' and Emoin'
When: Any evening in the past few days
Where: Death Match
Rating: PG-13, S for South

Carolina's disappearance had hit South in a way she hadn't expected. It wasn't the cutting hurt that losing Haymitch had been, or the continuous loss she'd had to deal with between the time she'd shown up in the first place and North's recent appearance. It was, however, still something she markedly felt and was aware of with it's own amounts of pain.

Carolina had been the one to keep her going, she had to admit. She'd been the one to force South to face her own demons, to deal with the news of the future and learn to exist day by day on her own, when she hadn't felt it possible.

She wondered how she would have felt about Carolina's leaving if North hadn't already been here.

South takes her musings to the bar, when they weigh her down. She's not getting blackout-drunk, as she has in the past with such things, and she's as open to company as she ever is, if a bit more reserved.

She honestly didn't think she'd ever miss Carolina the way she does now.

Comments

[i_got_this]

"She thought it was possible to change things when we got back." Her voice is somewhat tight, here, needing to believe it for herself.

His ploy works, and what could have been a quick and early demise of South's sobriety is held on a little longer. She never wins those fights, anyway, but always tries.

[ol_northy]

He's not sure what good that would do him, but he nods appreciatively at the sentiment.

"You never know. There's something to be said for fluid timelines.. and for changing your destiny. We're all kind of in charge of where we go and what we do to some degree. Who's to say we can't steer it a little?"

I mean... he'd like to think that's true.

[i_got_this]

If South can remember, it might do him a lot of good.

She takes a large drink from her whiskey, though. The conversation was doing much to remind her of the things she needed to change, that she hoped Carolina was already changing.

"So you made any friends here yet?" She not so subtly tries to steer the conversation away.

[ol_northy]

"Me?" He chuckles. He's been busy babysitting and getting to know things. "I've talked to some people. Nobody in particular, though."

He swirls his glass a bit, looking at the ice. Really, you'd think he would have made some friends by now, but no. He's just... not been that social. Instead, he's focused on intel, on observation and simply getting used to life in the castle.

[i_got_this]

"Well if you need any suggestions of cool people to talk to, I might know some." Not that North would quite be as happy with South's circle of fuckbuddies friends, but hey, at least she's trying?

"You do anything else with your room yet, or is it still tiny?"

[ol_northy]

"Now, think on that one for a second. Do you really want me talking to your friends?" Because you know someone's eventually going to talk, and then... well. North doesn't want to know about 75% of South's life. He's on a need to know basis, for the most part.

As for the dig at his room.

"It's not tiny South. It's all I need. In fact, I'm feeling kind of spoiled with my own kitchen."

[i_got_this]

"Okay, point taken. Wouldn't want you harshing my cool. Maybe try asking York, I bet you'd get in with his crowd."

"If you love it so much why are you here?" But as soon as she says it, she has an inkling it has to do with her, her own twin-sense kicking in. She looks back at her drink and pushes it around the bar slightly.

[ol_northy]

"Maybe I just wanted to have a drink with you. Or maybe I'm trying to keep you out of trouble." Might as well be honest.

[i_got_this]

"I guess some things never change." She does crack a small smile as she looks over at him. "Yeah fine I'll share some bar top with you, brother. As you can see--" She sits back with a self-indulgent flourish, "-- I'm not getting into any trouble at the moment."

[ol_northy]

"Some things." He clinks his glass to hers. "Are never going to change. You're stuck with me. And you're also prone to trouble."

With a shrug, he leans forward, putting his elbows on the bar. There's not much to do or say, and he finds himself wondering just what kind of future Carolina was trying to change. What South means.

[i_got_this]

"You know, I just like to keep it interesting."

After ten months without, she's quietly happy to be 'stuck with him', save for moments when she's reminded about their future. She watches him curiously, wondering what's on his mind and at the same time fearing it. She didn't like having this blot, this giant fucking secret, but having him find out made her whither inside. She focuses back on her whiskey and finishing it off (Hoorah, she's still in the lead) and ordering a second.

[ol_northy]

"You are always interesting."

He notes her finishing her drink, but he opts to keep taking it easy on his for now. Maybe if she loosens up a little bit she'll talk. It's funny how South opens up when she's exceptionally angry, how her true feelings come out. It's not like she ever hides herself or her thoughts, but at times she manages to conveniently explode. And who knows? Maybe that'll happen today. But North knows better than to get himself too drunk. He can't keep up with her if he's falling all over himself, after all.

[i_got_this]

"Admit it. Your life would be boring without me." She tosses him a smirk, but there's just something clouded about it. Normally she had no problems telling people off, normally she didn't give a shit what anyone thought.

Normally, though, she never had anything she didn't want to say. This was a major shift of thinking, a constant awareness of words and meanings she was still getting a handle onsince North arrived. She knew he'd know it, knew it didn't matter how tight-lipped she was; she couldn't hide the fact that there was somehing she just wasn't saying. She hoped that her refusal to acually word it would keep the 800 pound gorilla in the room blanketed, if at least as long as she could.

Now, drinking as she was, she grew more insular than outwardly exploding, going to an extreme in the oposite direction to keep the secret hidden.

[ol_northy]

"All things considered?" He looks her over carefully, appraising once again. Whatever she's been through without him, he wishes he could change. Correct. Make her stop being this down. He's worried, for reasons he can't even explain. It's completely bizarre to not be synched up with her in a situation like this, to be unable to properly read her. Sure, sometimes South surprises him, and she's the most unpredictable person he's ever known, but this is different.

He drops his voice.

"All things considered, I don't know what I'd do without you. I try not to think about that too much."

[i_got_this]

"Don't worry, I've done enough living with it to last for both of us."

Her voice is thick. She'd thought freedom and independence from him was what she really wanted, but the ten months she spent alone had proved her so entirely wrong, and not a day had passed that she didn't think of him in some capacity. She grips her drink a little tighter and looks down at the counter.

[ol_northy]

"Are you expecting an apology, South?" He finishes his own drink and pushes it back across the bar.

"I can't apologize for something out of my control, and I know I can't make up for it."

[i_got_this]

"No, I know that!" A flash of anger, and she looks over to scowl at him. "But dammit North? What do you expect me to do? Just fucking snap up and be okay?"

She pushes herself out of her chair, in part glad for the move away from timelines, but at the same time drawn up in her raging anger. "Sorry to be such a disappointment."

[ol_northy]

"You're not a damn disappointment, so sit down and stop throwing a tantrum, or we're taking this away from the booze."

He stays calm, stays still, only turning his head enough to look at her. When she gets like this, all he can do is stay calm and reasonable. It's more difficult this time than ever. He can't be sorry that he wasn't here, but he wishes he could have been there when she clearly needed him.

[i_got_this]

She sits with a huff, although she pushes her drinks away and crosses her arms over the bar.

She hated this, feeling this stupid extreme mix of emotions she didn't know what to do with. The joy to have him here, the anger she hadn't come sooner, the realization it wasn't his fault and just machinations of the castle. The pain of loss and guilt of the future that she hadn't experienced and the stress of keeping it all from him.

[ol_northy]

With a sigh, he puts a hand flat on her back in what he hopes is a soothing manner.

"I know it's rough right now. I don't even know what's going on in your head, but it's not good. And it's not easy. If you don't want to talk, don't. If you do, go for it. I'm all ears. But more than that..."

He waves off the bartender for a moment.

"Take care of yourself."

[i_got_this]

It is, and yet, it isn't. South heaves a sigh and hangs her head for a moment. Taking care of herself was, apparently, by the future accounts, something she was quite capable of.

"I am. I'm trying." She leans herself over the bar so she can grab and serve herself another whiskey.

[ol_northy]

If she was a puppy, he'd grab her by the scruff of the neck and put her back in the chair. However, she's not, so all he can do is facepalm.

"I don't know what to do for you." And that makes him feel horrible. He's always been able to nudge her one way or another, to bear the brunt of her wrath or talk her down. But he's powerless, and that's starting to get to him. It's like she's not the woman he knew.

[i_got_this]

"I don't know what to do for me either, okay?" She pours herself another neat whiskey, answering with increasing fervor as her previous drinks start hitting her. "The shit we go through here is fucked up. Fucked. Up. And then Carolina always lecturing me or some shit and everything. You know those nightmares? Three days. Three days."

Watching him die repeatedly, because of her, watching the board that never displayed her name, and the horrifying moment with Carolina that even now gave her that cold, sharp sense of fear remembering it. "To wake up from that and not have you ..." She's pointedly focusing on her whiskey, now, her voice cracking just slightly. "That was the nightmare."

[ol_northy]

He doesn't really know exactly what she's talking about, not in any great detail, but he frowns more deeply as she continues. It's a punch to the gut. He wasn't here. There was nothing he could do about that. He can't apologize, and he can't make up for it. He casn't do anything for the most important person in his life.

Except get her somewhere else.

"Put the drink down, South. We're leaving."

[i_got_this]

"It had better be to another bar. I'm not done with this one."

Somehow, though, she knows it's not. She throws back a good portion of her drink, if not all of it, and slams it down on the counter before wavering slightly out of her chair.