the falcon cannot hear the falconer; [OPEN]

[ensorceler]

who; anne & you!
what; escape from the clinic
where; clinic & castle gardens
when; today
rating; pg-13 (mention of hell and torture and skirts stuck in wheelchairs)

Anne had been to Hell and back, and what did she have to show for it? Broken pride, perhaps? Even that could not be entirely stifled, but she has made a remarkable show of it since her awakening in the clinic. It helped that she had her clinic room's door shut whenever she could, not wishing for anyone to see her in such gruesome shape. She certainly had injuries to show for it, but so did everybody. Even a week later, Anne is unable to walk on her own more than a step or two. Though her gown, dark for mourning, shields the worst of it from prying eyes, it's impossible to hide that her left arm is in a sling (or at least it should be), the right side of her face is bandaged, and she is most certainly in a wheelchair! But that doesn't stop her from trying to look her best with accessories, simply using a long silk scarf to wrap up her skirt so that it doesn't get tangled in the wheels. She may have already had to learn that lesson the hard way.

Adjusting to these chairs on wheels took some adjustment, especially considering the upper arm strength they required. This, of course, meant that Anne had to pull her arm from her sling whenever she wanted to go anywhere. And you know what, that's exactly what she does, because fuq the popo she's Queen and she does what she wants. The painkillers help, for sure, although she still requires many breaks and pauses in her venture.

Anyone might spot her on her way out of the clinic, as she is not the most subtle scene to bear witness to, but eventually Anne will try to find her way to the castle's gardens, wanting to see the roses, and perhaps find shade in the maze. Wherever she may rest, Anne will end up seated in the grass with the flowers, weaving them along the armrests of the wheelchair. Though her mind still feels numb at times, unable to cope with even thinking of what she should do now, the sun always helps, and menial tasks like these help occupy her scattered mind.

Comments

[gottaknockhard]

Spike took his time returning to the castle. Most might alert everyone who may care the moment they return from the dead, but it took him longer than a few days to start to feel like himself again -- turns out staying in the mansion wasn't the best method of recovery.

He spotted her with Faye before he even made it inside, and hung back behind a tall piece of shrubbery to let them talk. Considering how he left, it's better that he take them one at a time. With any luck, they didn't get that story, but he's not taking chances. Once Anne is alone again, he steps out, crushing a cigarette he smoked to pass the time before getting any closer. He watches her carefully, taking in what he sees.

"You look shorter than I remember." To be fair, there wasn't anything he could say that would have helped his case.

[ensorceler]

The stem of the rose snaps and tears in her grip in her hurry to turn and see the owner of the voice, peripheral vision not at it's best thanks to the bandaging. Not that she should have really doubted who it is, but when one has suffered from countless visions a week earlier, it's understandable to occasionally doubt reality. Although she already had, hadn't she? Hadn't they both?

What hope and relief that managed to shine in her eye is quickly stamped out, even bright anger nonexistence, instead replaced with cold walls. Her lips purse, and then she looks back down and away to the ruined stem. Gripping the rose with her hand, she forcefully rips it free, then calmly works about nestling it within the design along the back, using the other flowers to keep it in place.

"You no longer seem as tall, either."

[gottaknockhard]

He didn't know what to expect from her reaction, and he misses nothing as she puts on her detached front. The subtle insult seems to roll past him, although he does fluff up one side of his hair self-consciously before saying anything else.

"I'm sorry." Apologies seem to come easier all the time, so he must be getting used to giving them. He looks down at hands. "I didn't even bring flowers."

[ensorceler]

"Is that a jest? You think I am in the mood?"

Seriously they're in a garden, and she's got pile a pile of flowers in her lap. Anne seems intensely devoted to weaving some together, too, reds and whites and yellows. She purposely doesn't invite him to sit.

"You apologized before. You said it, not even knowing why. What are you sorry for?"

[gottaknockhard]

"A few things," he starts lamely. He wants to know what happened, but he had a suspicion after seeing her with Faye. He remembers trying to get her help to track Anne down, so he can only make assumptions. Everything went to Hell and back again and all he can do is make jokes. Maybe he tries too hard to seem normal.

"I guess I don't blame you for firing me." She had said while trying to claw herself away from him, and she had a right to. Spike only brings it up now to gauge her reaction, and give her an out if she cares to take it.

[ensorceler]

It only seems to make her more irate, or at least upset, given the trembling of her hands as she still continues to weave and knot the roses. Is there anything he could say to help the situation? Perhaps some things that wouldn't make it worse, but that's light shooting fish in a barrel.

"I see. Is that why you did not hurry to bring flowers, as you said? Not to see after the state of your queen, even through the most careless of channels like the journal, because as a madwoman she released you?"

[gottaknockhard]

Apparently he hasn't found something that won't make it worse. It doesn't help that only one thing comes to mind as she starts to lose her composure. If she doesn't know anything about his disappearance, he'll have to thank those two for more than putting him up for a few bizarre days.

"No, that's not the reason."

[ensorceler]

"Then tell me the reason."

She looks up sharply, taking a rest so she can settle her arm delicately back into it's sling. Even with medicine for the pain, she can still only tolerate so much for so long without resting.

"Why did you abandon your duty to a queen? I would ask why you abandoned your loyalty to a woman, had I thought you ever possessed any."

[gottaknockhard]

He smiles briefly at her assessment, and resists the urge to come closer, feeling like he should keep his distance if he's upsetting her by being near. Honestly, he doesn't have a lot of motivation to make it worse by telling her the truth. Why make a big deal out of something when he isn't the one in the wheelchair?

"I was locked in a cellar." Then again, when put like that, the truth sounds too ridiculous to believe. And he kind of hopes she doesn't the moment it leaves his mouth. "It was a strange week."

[ensorceler]

"A strange week... A strange week."

She throws the wreath of roses up at him suddenly, with as much force as she can muster with one hand, which granted really isn't much in her state, especially considering she's sitting on the ground and he's up so high and too far. It falls short, landing at his feet.

"You vile, contemptible cur. I burned! I burned and I cried for mercy, and dogs chews at my flesh as it crisped like I was naught but a roast, digging deep into my belly for a son that is no longer there and never will be. And she laughed, all she did was laugh. She need not have uttered a single word, for I could hear her message when the beast's jaws began to rip at my ears. Jezebel, Jezebel! Before I could hear nothing else, feel nothing else, only for it to begin again. And I watched others, heard them; still hear them whenever it is silent for too long."

Anne struggles to stand, grabbing onto the arm of her wheelchair to try and help launch herself up onto her knees, and then her feet. She'll get there eventually, assuming he doesn't run off before she's done with her rant.

"And I returned here to nothing but my shame and a broken body. An empty room and the silence, but who would ever wish to visit a madwoman, hm? I was all alone until I finally called for the names, and yours was not given, so you have no excuse! You would never, anyway, for you are the reason I was devoured! And then, in all your cruelty, you abandoned me on the ship, and then here. So that you could do naught but sit about drinking wine and smoking your cigarettes?! There is not a scratch on you. How dare you! How dare you! You failure!"

[gottaknockhard]

Spike could anticipate what was coming the moment she threw her flowers towards him. That's the trouble of going away for a while: everything builds, and he can't say he doesn't deserve what follows. He has no corrections for her as she spells out his faults with the accuracy of someone who has known him longer than she has. The real truth, is that he's never been able to save anyone. -- She's seen it herself.

He doesn't move for the first half of her rant. (He's felt more like a zombie than a person these past few days, he may as well act like one.) Only when she attempts to stand, he takes the steps forward necessary to be able to catch her if she falters, even if it gets him slapped in the process.

"You're right, I don't have an excuse." Or he refuses to use it. Like he'll be able to keep that a secret forever. But death doesn't cover him when he's been awake for days now and he didn't come. Not to mention he died long after he lost her on the ship. "I should have been there."

[ensorceler]

Anne nearly hisses at his closing proximity, but she doesn't tell him to back away. Instead it seems to spurn her on, and as she stands on her own two feet (barely), she all but spits at his feet.

"I ran from you on the ship, but since returning I have done no running. So how is it you could not find me? Tell me you were locked away? Do not lie to me. Come here!"

She stretches her arm out, though not for support, glowering and waiting as it takes all of her effort to stand without letting her left leg shake too much. Daring to see if he'll listen or leave again. "Come closer now!"

[gottaknockhard]

Of course she thinks he's lying on the rare occasion that he tells the truth. A partial one, but still more than he was planning for fear that she may not treat him the same if she knew. And if she needs someone to be angry with, he understands. It's better him than someone who didn't take it so expertly well.

Spike walks to her hand, like she asks, but doesn't respond otherwise as he pays close attention to her struggling. He's guilty of what she says, and there's nothing that he can claim to deny that.

[ensorceler]

He is keeping false hope if he thinks she can still treat him the same regardless. But he is not completely at fault, because maybe he still thinks this a dream. Just a nightmare, that's all it was. He is a fool, a fool, a fool, she wants to scream it in his face until time has been turned back. Back to long before she had ever come here. Long, long before.

At first she moves as if to strike him, but instead her hand strains for his tie, and tugs, the same as she did on the ship. "Kneel!" Down to the ground as hard as she can, with what little weight she can boast used to try to drag him down as she just about falls for attempting to stand any longer. He should not be permitted to stand over her when she's incapable of doing any such thing, but would he this time?

[gottaknockhard]

She only needed to ask, but the added pull makes it easier to comply to avoid being strangled again. Still, he doesn't know what's coming. Couldn't even rule out her taking up a sword and making him own his failure. The consequences were always more dire since he got involved with queens, which had been some of the appeal. That he feels differently now has nothing to do with her.

"Should I kiss your hand?" He asks while looking up at her without any hint of mocking. He is exactly what she thinks of him, and all he can do is offer a thin apology and take her judgment.

[ensorceler]

His compliance only seems to infuriate her, or maybe it's the perceived mockery that she can't help but see anywhere and everywhere now. No matter, she strikes without thinking, slapping hard enough so that her palm stings. She isn't the violent sort, not really, and yet after what she had done on the ship, a slap seems like nothing. It is nothing. What has he suffered? Anything? Did she want that for her fellow man? No, of course not. But she can't stop herself anyway, slapping again, until she truly can't keep her balance and must grab once more for the wheelchair at her side.

"I did not give you leave to look at me, or to speak!"

She swallows, shutting her eyes (though only one is really visible) and taking a moment. All it does is make her breath shudder more from focusing so much on it, and her voice wavers as she whispers out broken words.

"Eros, you stayed true to your character. I saw you and you fled; you flew up high away from me, far away from Hades. I have no wish to keep anyone in my service against their will. Leave if you must, but do not offer shallow excuses as your reasons. I have suffered too much to tolerate your word games this day!"

[gottaknockhard]

Sudden and immediate pain on the side of his face forces his eyes away, and he holds them there for the second strike. The first pain he's felt since returning, and maybe what he needed to work himself out of his daze. That could be why he made no move to prevent her from doing as she wanted. Even goading her to.

Slowly he turns his head, absorbing her elaborate way of calling him a scumbag that somehow involves comparing him to a god. He's perceptive enough to understand the connection and the irony involved that she may later realize.

"I can't leave any more than you." Despite the fact that he wasn't given permission to speak, the slap must have loosened his tongue; although it comes out differently than he means it. There was some choice involved. He didn't have to come back to the castle, and yet here he is, adding to her suffering.

And she's only the first person he's seen.

[ensorceler]

Anne collapses to her knees rather abruptly, and then down completely with a hiss of pain at the force rendered on her injury, especially when both hands try to catch herself against the grass. She'll slap away any offer of his should he try, though, instead taking a moment to nurse her left arm against her chest and attempt to ignore the throbbing pain in her leg. If stitches the stitches, it's not her fault, anyway. She just wanted to pick flowers...

"But you did. You left so grandly."

Sitting before him, it's actually more effort to slap him now, so she doesn't make the effort to strain forward. Tired. "For you witnessed the woman behind the queen, her body and mind."

[gottaknockhard]

He resists the urge to help her back to the chair, predicting her reaction. Injured or not, he wouldn't put it past her to run him over with it if it meant holding onto some dignity.

He doesn't get up either, opting to sit back on his haunches, offering nothing. Which is to be expected.

"I guess that isn't very fair, when I've kept all of my own secrets."

[ensorceler]

"And still you tell me nothing. You will not say why you are sorry, and so I cannot see that you feel any sorrow at all."

Anne's hand absently rubs at the bodice hugging her breast, or rather keeps dragging her broken nails across it. Clawing, some compulsions from the ship naturally carrying her over when she is this distracted by such thoughts. Memories.

"But it was not all your fault. It was not all... And still it matters not. I think you would receive no mercy. Hanged, drawn, and quartered... That would be your punishment. And myself, I shall be burned." Just as she lets out the last word, her lips press together so tightly they turn white, but what bursts free is a laugh rather than a sob. Or maybe it's both, hysterical in panic to be sure. "At least I will be prepared! Come, Spike, shall I prepare you for your fate so you shall know what to expect? First I will need a rope."

[gottaknockhard]

He doesn't find his smile again, even as she laughs at the prospect of a hanging. It seems to him that she has a fixation over his neck, as many times as she's bruised it. That could be the reason.

"That would be a new one, for me." Joking still, even if there's no more humor in his eyes. In any case, she's had the most violent reaction to sharing a bed with him that he's experienced so far.

But that doesn't make it an entirely unique case. He wishes he could remember what he said back then. "We may have to run for the cliffs if we see that coming."

[ensorceler]

Her lip actually quivers when he offers his getaway plan, and her right hand quickly shoots up to cover her mouth as she looks away, revealed eye too damp too hide her fears. It takes several moments for her to find a breath that doesn't falter.

"I love him. I love him, my dear, sweet Henry. He courted me for years, did you know? Our passion made all else in the world seem as nothing but dust, and was a thing of legend that could lie among the Greeks." Was, she says. She can't correct herself. "He is the most gracious of princes, my most beloved lord and sovereign, and I never—"

When she looks back to him, there's a wild strain to her gaze as she leans over to try to grapple for leverage on him, hand finally gripping his arm to a bruising degree as she searches his eyes.

"I never had offended with my body against my lord, by God's good grace! You must believe me. You must. I thought this was a dream, it was supposed to be a mere dream. No dream can be a crime, can it? But it is not, it is not.

You must believe me."

[gottaknockhard]

"I believe you."

Even Spike has a limit on what he'll make light of, and he finds that he has an unhealthy level of sympathy for her pain. She doesn't need to explain the consequences of seeking comfort in the wrong person; he's practically the poster child for it. Which makes him grateful now that he hasn't been forced to reveal his history when she's clinging so desperately for reassurance. Regardless of the dangers that have probably already marked them and destroyed all chances of a happy ending, neither one want to lose what they had.

"Nobody will find out," he continues, speaking in low tones to keep from adding to the hysteria. To show her some kindness after everything he put her through, no matter how difficult it is for him to say.

Spike keeps his back straight, his arms strong, offering support when she may rather drag him down again. "It wasn't anything. Never happened at all."

[ensorceler]

Of course it had happened. She'll never forget the penance she had to pay for it, and not even just for it alone. He had not been the first. The other man, that tryst had been triggered by the castle rather than acted on by Anne's own urges, but that did not make her any less guilty in body. Maybe it would ease his guilt to know, but she would never dare incriminate herself further by telling anyone. That man was long gone, and she is glad for it. This one remains, the more innocent of the two and yet also more guilty. She, at least, had been punished. So if she had been burned and eaten alive for it, why did she not feel purged?

Just about choking on her breath, she lets him go so that she can cover her face, only for the sudden release to cause her collapse against his lap, and there she sobs as quietly as she can. Should anyone even dare come close to witness, Anne would not hesitate in trying to order their swift death. Would complete it herself, she feels so utterly shattered over her own crimes, what is one more.

"God have mercy on me. Jesus Christ forgive me. Jesus Christ have mercy on our poor foolish souls."

[gottaknockhard]

Spike sighs inwardly, just to keep himself centered when she collapses on him. It's rare for him to be put in his place so completely, to see his carelessness completely wreck every part of someone -- but not the first. The memories it stirs, of the ones he still has, set his jaw and keep him from offering any words of comfort.

That's not even the worst thing he's done. Far from it.

Hesitantly, he brings a hand up to rest on her shoulder and listens to her breathing. He debates speaking for several moments, knowing he's only made things worse with every opportunity, but he still has the need to clarify something while he has the chance.

"I'm sorry I lost you."