paradisalogs | all that we have know will be an echo

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all that we have know will be an echo

Who: Clem and Lee
What: Sad puppy shopping :(
When: Sometime after Tess' post.
Where: The city
Rating: S for SAD

A little girl should be bouncing with excitement at the prospect of getting a puppy of her own.

Clem had been--until she overheard Lee talking to that woman on the journal. The past few days have seen her quietly coloring in her room, if not slowly swinging back and forth on her swing outside on the castle grounds. She'd say she was okay if asked, just tired, and she really does feel tired. And mad, and scared, and sad.

She presses her hands and nose against the glass of the pet shop in the city, a few puppies rolling around behind the window. It doesn't bring a smile to her face.

What did a puppy matter, really? Not when things were so terrible at home. People could always leave.

And what they faced--what she faced...

She looks over at Lee, feet planted to the cobblestones outside.

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Lee has, over the months at home and here, gotten pretty good at reading Clementine. Maybe not as well as her actual parents; he hadn't been there to watch her grow up, necessarily, hadn't seen her actually become the girl that he'd been when they met. So maybe hadn't got to watch her grow up, but he had gotten to watch her grow, -- so of course he was able to see straight through her protests of being tired.

This puppy-shopping excursion was supposed to have been the cure for whatever was bothering her. There are animals playing inside, carefully arranged so that the display was as appealing and adorable as possible. Hell, he was having trouble not grinning a little as he looked at the dogs inside, but Clem remained unmoved.

So Lee frowns just a little, thoughtful when she looks up at him, and moves to crouch down so that they're on eye level.

"You want to tell me what's bothering you, honey?"

Clementine doesn't look away at first, eyes focused on her face before they fall to where his arm is. Shouldn't be? She's not even sure anymore. It's obvious by the frown on her face that something is wrong, but she still shakes her head.

"No," she replies, this time. She's not sure she wants to talk about it. What would that do? Clementine looks back to the window.

"Maybe we can do this another day."

Paradisa has afforded him time that he never thought that he would have. He grateful for it, grateful beyond belief -- these are chances that, by all rights, none of them should have. A world without walkers? It was something they had all given up hope for a long time ago.

That doesn't mean he can take it for granted. He's seen people come and go at the drop of a hat, and he's not going to assume that that can't happen to any of them. He won't let this sit, not when one of them might disappear at any moment. Lee has lived too long with too many things that have gone unsaid until it was way, way too late.

So he reaches forward with that same arm, grasping for her hand.

"I don't think so. Talk to me, Clementine."

She doesn't pull away, but she doesn't react to his touch, either.

"I heard what you said to that lady," she blurts out, though that's not what she wanted to say at all. "That--that when you got here, you..."

That he was dying, from something that couldn't be cured.

"So, at home..."

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Lee can't mask the surprise on his face when she says that, and, for a split second, he looks absolutely stricken. Goddammit -- there weren't a lot of things to protect Clementine from here, but that had been one of them.

His fingers tighten a little. Not painfully, not angrily, but it's a gentle seize of almost apology.

"Home doesn't matter here."

The thing is, Clementine had known. Lee hadn't said anything, and she could trick herself into believing he looked so pale because of the blood loss from his missing arm, but--the way he spoke to her, the way he moved, the way he looked... she'd seen that, before. She didn't want to believe it, and she'd been happy to live in her happy world of denial in Paradisa.

But now she had a confirmation.

"No, but--" She can't look at him. "You can't turn into one of them. My parents, you... it's not fair. What am I supposed to do?"

Lee hears himself speaking before he makes the conscious decision to. "You keep going. You push on, because you're strong, and you remember everything that I've taught you." Why couldn't the castle take this away? Dammit. Take the walkers away from her; hell, if losing her memory of him meant forgetting the things she'd seen, he could deal with it.

But things weren't that easy at home, and they certainly weren't here, either.

"You'll make it. You have to."

Clementine's shoulders heave, and the tears begin to flow freely down her cheeks.

"I don't want to ever go home. I don't want you to ever go home."

Lee is suddenly, suddenly sure that nothing is ever going to hurt him as much as watching this little girl cry - at knowing he's left her, after promising over and over that he wouldn't.

He tries to pull her in, to drag her into an embrace.

"It might happen someday, Clementine. And if it does -- that's okay. What happens back home - what's going to happen - it doesn't ruin this. We're happy now, aren't we? All of us."

She's not going to resist Lee when she's so worried about losing him. Her cheek fits well against his shoulder, tiny arms wrapping around him as much as they can. It's not fair. As much as she cares for everyone else, Lee's the one she wants taking care of her. Lee's the one she knows will always save her, always come for her.

Sometimes she misses her mom and dad so much it hurts. It'd be just the same with Lee, and she doesn't know if she can handle missing THREE people that much. She doesn't know if she can handle surviving on her own in their world, not when she's so little and pulling the trigger leaves her arms sore for hours.

"I--I know, but--"

The castle can give her anything she wants, but it can't give her parents back to her, and it can't promise that Lee will be okay. She'd give up everything if she could just have that.

"No buts, sweetpea. Shhh." Lee still isn't sure that he's particularly good at comforting Clementine, but goddamn he is dead set on being the one to do it. He reaches up, touches the back of her head with gentle fingers, trying to cradle her against his shoulder. "None of that."

The thought of losing her hurts just as much as the thought of leaving her. He had sworn to protect this little girl, and he'd meant it with every ounce of his being. It wasn't enough. He had failed, and thinking about what that might mean for her made his stomach revolt.

But he didn't know what was in store for her. Optimism was stupid, yes, especially in their circumstances, but wasn't stewing in your own misery just as useless?

"You never know what's going to happen. Never, not here and not there. I'm not giving up, Clementine. Out of all the people this castle could've brought, it brought us, didn't it? We've got luck on our side. C'mon - you still want a puppy, right? Let's at least look at 'em."

Lee's good at it, as far as Clementine is concerned. He's able to slow the tears down to sniffles, but no one can really fix anything right now. It hurts, and maybe she just has to get used to that. She survived a few days on her own in that treehouse, but she would have never made it this long without Lee, that she knows. How was she supposed to go on without him?

"Okay," she agrees after some hesitation, but doesn't move. "You have to name it."

She was tough. Lee hadn't coddled her more than he needed to -- or he'd tried not to, at least. He couldn't handle dwelling on the thought that it might not be enough.

He reaches up, cradling one of her cheeks in his hand and trying to wipe at her tears with the pad of his thumb.

"You might have to help me. I don't know if I'm any good at names."

She sniffles again, rubbing at her nose with the back of her forearm, but careful not to push Lee away. Lee's practically family. It's not something she dwells upon much, but she knows what they mean to each other. There was a reason she got him a Father's Day gift.

"Okay," she repeats, reaching to take Lee's hand. "We'll think of something together."

He wraps his hand around hers, exhalation soft as he stays crouched before her. "Dog's a pretty big responsibility, you know. I was thinking that maybe it'd be better if there were a lot of eyes to look out for him.. you know, in case he gets out." Lee goddamn son you are awkward sometimes. "What if we found two empty rooms close to each other? We could ask Carley and Ben. Molly, too, if she's interested. A whole hallway of people looking out for it, right?"

"Like when we were in the motel?"

They had been a community, then. Everyone was close by. It had been nice, even if Clem was bored most of the time.

"Yeah. And we wouldn't even have to worry about Walkers there. How's that sound to you?"

"I'd be happy. Would you?"

Not that Clem could imagine him not being happy with Carley and the others around. Even Ben seemed to grow on him.

Lee laughed softly then, soft and surprised as he shook his head.

"I'm already happy, sweet pea. But I'd like that a lot, yeah."

"You promise? You're happy?"

"Happier than I ever thought I could be."

He holds his pinky out.

Clem looks at it, then bypasses it completely for another hug.

"I--I'm happy, too. Even after everything..."

She'll never stop missing her parents, but she knows she's lucky to have Lee. Even if that's just temporary.

Lee doesn't vocalize anything else for a few long moments, instead just wrapping his arms around her again and holding her to him. Happy, maybe, but that doesn't mean the sadness isn't gone, and he can hear it profoundly in her voice.

Carefully, he rubs her shoulder, trying to be soothing.

"Then I'm doing at least one thing alright, yeah?"

A little bump of his shoulder against hers.

"Anyway... Are you sure you don't want a hermit crab or hamster instead of a puppy?" C'mon, Clem. Smile.

"You do lots of things alright."

He does manage to get a small smile out of her at that.

"We came here for a puppy. You said."

"Did I say that? I don't remember. I'm pretty sure I said you could have... a frog."

He pulls back, just enough to fix her with a mock stern face.

"Why would I want a frog?"

Back to frowning, but at least now there's some humor in it. She knows he's just teasing.

... Lee's face is too silly to pull off stern when he's not really mad.

"You don't think frogs are cute? I think frogs are cute." But he stands up, hand touching the top of her head again. "Let's go get that puppy."

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