Joshua Christopher (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
ofhope) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
paradisalogs2014-05-31 08:37 pm
ofhope) wrote in paradisalogs2014-05-31 08:37 pm
Entry tags:
hope is your survival; OPEN
Who: Joshua and OPEN!
What: Supply trips to the castle, then a final farewell.
When: Today
Where: The castle, then the mansion, and anywhere in between!
Rating: PG for now
He had been here for five years, but if asked point blank, Joshua wouldn't have that number to offer. Time for him is as static as it is fluid; it's a contradiction and a necessity. While he might be able to control it in certain ways, to stop it all-together even, somehow it has still changed him without his permission or even acknowledgment until recently.
For him, names and faces can be as difficult to remember as years, but as he packs, they continue to pop up. The long-dead cell-phone is tucked away, and he thinks of Mai with her deadpan expression but warm arms. She had been worth remembering, enough that she occupies moments. Legato, Asuka, even Riful... He can't go far in the mansion without having to think of them, as they had all lived there. Pharos, too, but how could one ever forget Death? The mansion itself has originated as Zelman's, but the man's presence was no longer overpowering like it should have been, ever since Paradisa had forced it's changes. The mansion was different, but even where hallways and bedrooms looked different, he can still hear echoes of voices in rooms whenever he passes them.
It's the castle that makes him think of the others, like Abel, Colette, Fiore, and then there are those who he can say he remembers but haven't left. Yet. He's sure Cassandra won't be here for long, with her heroic duties required elsewhere, but the same can't be said for Spike. Some are just as basic to the castle as bread and butter, and maybe he had been thought of like that, and that's exactly why he's leaving. This is a decision he's made to be unlike them, to defy the castle even though it means he gives up his power. Because his power is not his here; it's soiled, and twisted, and useful to nobody, least of all him. This monstrosity has trapped him within it's walls one too many times, and now that he can again walk out, he's going to make this the last time he walks in.
Lucrezia will be the last one he thinks of before saying goodbye, because she had been the last to leave, and in some ways more memorable than any of the others. She had held a place nobody else had, just like his sister held a place nobody could. But he thinks that with time, if he isn't careful, he can forget Lucrezia's face as easily as he could forget his sister's. Despite this, Joshua doesn't pack pictures, or mementos. He packs things only an explorer would, because time has had it's way with him and he has grown weary of looking to the past. He will never find his sister here, and he will never find his answers here. At least out there, people are finding different ways, and if he can find them then maybe he'll also discover new ways. Ways home, or ways to make himself new. Either way, he isn't afraid. Thanks to Cassandra and Lucrezia, Joshua knows he can go into the Dead Zone and remain himself. He'll have his gun, and plenty of bullets, and that's enough for now.
Well, that and food, which he'll be sure to get plenty of from the castle before departing. The limitless kitchen will certainly be a thing to miss.
What: Supply trips to the castle, then a final farewell.
When: Today
Where: The castle, then the mansion, and anywhere in between!
Rating: PG for now
He had been here for five years, but if asked point blank, Joshua wouldn't have that number to offer. Time for him is as static as it is fluid; it's a contradiction and a necessity. While he might be able to control it in certain ways, to stop it all-together even, somehow it has still changed him without his permission or even acknowledgment until recently.
For him, names and faces can be as difficult to remember as years, but as he packs, they continue to pop up. The long-dead cell-phone is tucked away, and he thinks of Mai with her deadpan expression but warm arms. She had been worth remembering, enough that she occupies moments. Legato, Asuka, even Riful... He can't go far in the mansion without having to think of them, as they had all lived there. Pharos, too, but how could one ever forget Death? The mansion itself has originated as Zelman's, but the man's presence was no longer overpowering like it should have been, ever since Paradisa had forced it's changes. The mansion was different, but even where hallways and bedrooms looked different, he can still hear echoes of voices in rooms whenever he passes them.
It's the castle that makes him think of the others, like Abel, Colette, Fiore, and then there are those who he can say he remembers but haven't left. Yet. He's sure Cassandra won't be here for long, with her heroic duties required elsewhere, but the same can't be said for Spike. Some are just as basic to the castle as bread and butter, and maybe he had been thought of like that, and that's exactly why he's leaving. This is a decision he's made to be unlike them, to defy the castle even though it means he gives up his power. Because his power is not his here; it's soiled, and twisted, and useful to nobody, least of all him. This monstrosity has trapped him within it's walls one too many times, and now that he can again walk out, he's going to make this the last time he walks in.
Lucrezia will be the last one he thinks of before saying goodbye, because she had been the last to leave, and in some ways more memorable than any of the others. She had held a place nobody else had, just like his sister held a place nobody could. But he thinks that with time, if he isn't careful, he can forget Lucrezia's face as easily as he could forget his sister's. Despite this, Joshua doesn't pack pictures, or mementos. He packs things only an explorer would, because time has had it's way with him and he has grown weary of looking to the past. He will never find his sister here, and he will never find his answers here. At least out there, people are finding different ways, and if he can find them then maybe he'll also discover new ways. Ways home, or ways to make himself new. Either way, he isn't afraid. Thanks to Cassandra and Lucrezia, Joshua knows he can go into the Dead Zone and remain himself. He'll have his gun, and plenty of bullets, and that's enough for now.
Well, that and food, which he'll be sure to get plenty of from the castle before departing. The limitless kitchen will certainly be a thing to miss.
no subject
But then, he knew he'd have to come back eventually. For records, if nothing else. The second time the castle took his memories, he at least had context to put them in, and if there are any other remnants he missed, they'd be there. He's nothing without his obsessions, and every interaction he had with anyone seemed to prove how far he's spiraled out of control because of it. He isn't foolish enough to think that his memories will suddenly be triggered if he finds the right clue, but maybe it would keep him grounded. Like his place in the world still exists, even if he can't remember.
It seemed like a good enough reason, so he stuck to it.
The plan was to enter through the window of the room he used to have, and if luck was on his side, leave before Joshua woke up from his nap and decides to teach him a lesson about breaking and entering. That's if his room still exists. When he walks by the side of the building, he has to peer inside to make sure it's still the right place. More than the rustic makeover, there's another noticeable difference that he can't pinpoint. It wasn't usually lively, but there's something about the hollow way he sees a maid walking silently through the halls that disturbs him more than it ever did before.
He nearly turns back to his original idea, but blonde hair catches his eye as the man walks towards the entrance, obviously on his way out. Alone. Spike ignores the way his stomach twists, and before he realizes what he's doing, he speaks up from the shadows.
There's no need to clear his throat, since he's sure Joshua already knows he's standing there. Like he never left. "Going without saying goodbye?"
no subject
He can tell Spike is there before he sees him, but somehow it's still a surprise to hear his voice. Maybe he was expecting him to shoot first and ask questions later, revenge being a dish best served cold and all that. But the question makes him smile, lopsided enough to almost be sincere, as he hooks a thumb through the backpack and lets it shift down to set on the ground.
"I thought we had already said our goodbyes. Not final enough for you?" Joshua glances him over, lingering on his hand.
no subject
More annoying is how he instinctively slides his hand into his pocket when Joshua's eyes rest on it. If they crossed paths again, he'd hoped to be able to wave and show how easily he overcame his injuries, but the months of recuperation somehow curved that desire. Not wanting to highlight the change in him, he nods towards the backpack instead, but refuses to break his gaze.
"That doesn't mean I can't be sympathetic." He flashes a biting grin. Trying his best impression of someone taking pleasure in misfortune. "Did she throw you out too?"
no subject
As much as a normal human can be, Spike would have been the one to be concerned about. But Joshua doesn't flinch, only stares at him, or rather right through him as he is so prone to doing. He doesn't otherwise react, other than to shift his weight to the other foot.
"She's been gone for a month. I suppose the fact that you didn't know shows what a good dog you've been, not trying to follow her around too much. I'm out of treats."
no subject
His eyebrows knit together, but he forces them apart and reminds himself to keep on a good poker face; as if Joshua couldn't read his mind regardless. He'd known that the last time she came to see him would be the last he ever saw of her, but it feels strange to be right. There were other things he imagined would turn out differently if it ever happened. If it weren't for the fact that it had been successfully blamed by something else, he would be sure that the earthquake in the castle was Joshua's doing.
"Where are you going?" The insult doesn't seem to have the impact it might have otherwise, but he isn't getting out of his way either. Sometimes being direct is the only option left.
no subject
"The outsiders that freed me from prison... I might see if I can find them. Do some exploring, like I actually wanted to when I was younger." His head tilts thoughtfully while he looks to the sky. "It won't be the same without her, but it's better than staying here."
no subject
It's almost like he can understand Joshua's sudden plan to skip town, even if it is to a place where he'd be vulnerable. Despite Spike's best efforts, he had gotten to know him better than he ever meant to. That isn't the only reason; women have an effect on people, no matter who they are. No matter who is standing in their way.
"She would have gone with you."