[Her brow furrows a bit, shaking her head.]

It's not that I felt I had to, I wanted to. One of the... being a vampire, I can [she takes a breath, trying not to ramble on for another ten minutes.]

One of the things that has helped me stay alive -- is my willingness to shut my emotions out. It's... it's easier to live for as long as I have if you don't let things push onto you. Going home I have seen the worst that emotions can do to a vampire and I saw the strongest thing they could do.

When I'm here -- when the castle makes me human, I - I lose that. I can't control anything and it overwhelms me to have everything not just amplified, but so suddenly. [She swallows, taking another breath.]

When I said I felt free, that going home and returning here gave me a new perspective, I meant it. I came here and I can't let my emotions be something the castle can control.

So, I didn't turn them off. [It's a BFD.]

I didn't, because I wanted to be able to tell you these things and not hide behind a lack of emotion. I wanted to mean them.

I wanted to feel worried that I'd lose something, because it's been so long since I've had that feeling.