The tears fall, they're so easy to wipe off onto my sleeve

[lord_wizard]

Who: Felix + Mildmay, Ashura, Dextera, and Thamuris
What: Felix handles the appearance of his stains like he does most things - trying to hide.
When: Anywhere from Saturday 4/13, after the Chimera meeting, to before the removal of the stains (please specify)
Where: Room 626
Rating: pg-13

He couldn't have left the tower quick enough. There were too many eyes and too many uninvited questions, but nor could he bring himself to outright run back to the room. That only would have brought him more attention, as much as he wants to.

He slams into the the apartment tearing off jacket and shirt as he makes his way to the bathroom, twisting desperately to get a look at his back and reaching back to touch. He feels no pain, and realizes that his scars are just as they've always been, except not. They were a silent and unseen reminder of his past until now. Now they stood out and called attention to his misery - to the sordid nature of his past - no longer able to be hid under the veil of cloth. Frantically he tries to wipe the blood away, but it only wells up again, the blood on his hands only making things worse rather than better. He tries to bathe, and the waters run red with the residue of his shame, but the stains themselves never leave.

Eventually he gives up, letting the water drain but staying right where he was was, curled on his side in the expanse of his marble bathtub as his scars left smears of red over the surface, face buried in a gathered up towel, which is slowly soaking through with the blood from his hands.

By the next day he's made attempts, but after the marks soak through more than one jacket, he limits himself to just trousers and a blouse. It doesn't much matter. He refuses to leave the rooms anyway, nor makes any overtures to speak to anyone. He keeps to himself - a morose huddle at the dining room table (the only furniture he can't stain by sitting on it), pouring over the journal and the available maps of the continent. His only solace is that maybe, must maybe, this will stop once they get into the Dead Zone.

Comments

A Little after the Chimera meeting, action;

[wishmadeinfire]

Once Ashura had recovered from his own shock, adjusted to the constant itch around the hole in his chest and the stickiness of blood soaking through every inch of him, he makes his bloody way back to his and Felix's apartment. He knew where he would be hiding, and certainly Ashura wished to hide too. People knew he had been at war, back home, but having the evidence of his deeds splattered across him, the charred hole in his chest... it was to much.

He opened the door with shaking hands and made for the bathroom, hating that Agni and Sybil were curled up in a corner of their couch, terrified. He gulped and looked to the fireplace. Without a thought, he tore off his robes and tossed them into the fireplace. With a thought he set it ablaze, blooding hissing as it and fabric were consumed.

Naked, covered in blood, the scorched hole in his chest still letting off wisps of smoke and charred flesh glowing like dying embers, he made his way into the bathroom where Felix was curled up.

"Darling?" he asked quietly, feet making sick, sticking noises as he walked across the tile, leaving bloody foot prints behind.

[lord_wizard]

Given how things had been with them the last two weeks, his response might have been to throw the endearment back in Ashura's face. But he had no energy for that now. He, in fact, does not answer at all. Rather, he buries his face deeper in towel as if doing so would allow him to disappear entirely.

[wishmadeinfire]

Ashura watches his form, debating, and then finally curses himself. Mad or not, fighting or not, this was not the time to hold onto petty grudges and hard words and actions. With their souls bared like this...

He slid into the bathtub with Felix, wrapping his arms around the other, not caring if the man hated him at the moment or not. He needed it, and deep down he thought Felix needed it too.

"Felix..." he whispered. "Felix, look at me, please."

[lord_wizard]

He goes rigid, but doesn't actively fight off the touch, wanting and hating it at the same time. He shakes his head at first, but the denial crumbles enough to let him turn his head and peak out, showing only his blue eye filled with anguish. It helped to keep Ashura just out of focus - both his face and his stains softened by the filter. It was the only armor he had left at the moment.

[wishmadeinfire]

He reached up with a shaking hand, stroking the red hair as he had always been wont to do. He hated the look in the other's eyes, hated how he was curled up in the tub like this, hiding from everything.

"Felix... don't hide from me, please," he whispered, resting their foreheads together, hardly worried about getting the other dirty with blood at this point. "Do not face this alone..."

[lord_wizard]

He barely noticed the blood at this point, to be honest. It was what it represented that bothered him. A road map to all his failures as a person.

"Wouldn't that be better? What good did knowing ever do you, except the pain of finding out what I really am?"

[kethedammit]

Mildmay is used to people seeing his scars and his past written in them. It occurs to him to hide, but he gives up the option. There probably isn't a good way to do it. And anyway, how's he gonna run?

Speaking of running, though, Felix took off like a fucking spooked horse. Figures. Mildmay starts out after him, because, well, fuck, what else is he gonna do? It takes him a while to get there, between not being able to see through the blood, and Felix running way faster than anyone should be able to (fuck this fucking leg), and Mildmay getting lost once on the way. Great fucking day this has been.

When that all's over, he knocks, lightly, on the door. Best check in on the poor bastard. He knows how Felix gets about this kinda shit.

[wishmadeinfire]

Ashura looked up at the knock and frowned, wondering who would come after the other, but he could only thing of perhaps two answers. Slowly, he disentangled himself from Felix, smoothing the man's hair as he grabbed a towel and wrapped it around himself, not wanting to ruin more clothing. The carpet was ruined, and nothing for it, though he hoped they could fix it at some point.

He opened the door, looking at Mildmay quietly. Of course it would be him, bound to Felix as he was, both by magic, blood, and experience together. He could not blame Mildmay, and he was glad, at least. It proved someone else cared besides himself.

"Mildmay," he said quietly, his voice a bit raspy and sore it seemed, never mind that most of him was drenched in blood, and the hole in his chest was glowing sickly, faint wisps of smoke rising now and then. "I suppose you want to see Felix."

[kethedammit]

Mildmay did his best to stare only at Ashura's face, never at the rest of the blood and the smoke and the burning smell. Of course, that involved a lot of blinking and wincing-- the blood from his scar was getting in his eyes something awful. But he'd live.

"Only if'n he'll see me." Mildmay said, voice pitched to carry. What if Felix was listening? "Don't wanna bother nothing."

[wishmadeinfire]

"Of course he'll see you, you're his brother," he said, motioning for the other come in.

He shut the door behind him as he came in, wincing at the bloody finger prints he left behind. Shit.

"Stay here a moment, let me see what he wants to do," he said, turning back to go into the bathroom and coming to Felix, gently putting his hand on his shoulder again, brushing his hair soothingly.

"Darling, Mildmay is here," he said. "Do you want him to come in here or do you want to go out into the living room?"

[lord_wizard]

Very slowly, as if were a great physical effort, he crawled out of the tub and sat on the edge, and that was where Ashura finds him on the way back in.

He stared down at his hands, the bloody towel in his lap, the footprints Ashura had left behind hazy at the edge of his focus. He wasn't sure what he could say, but at least with Mildmay, there was none of this that would be of any amount of surprise.

"Send him in here," he said, finally, though not looking up from the floor.

[kethedammit]

So Mildmay hobbles in. He's trying to tilt his head over to the side, so the bloodflow doesn't go in his eyes and mostly runs right through his mouth. When he breathes, little droplets of blood fly out from under his nose, and talking is probably gonna get worse before it gets better. But this was all of his second septad, and he remembers how to deal with it best he can.

Now, the bloody hands business, that's the real killer. Jashuki's getting slippery as shit.

And then, the bathroom, and Felix looking like someone kicked the life outta him. Poor bugger. Mildmay'd do something kind, speak softly, but he knows Felix hates that shit when someone else is watching. So he just sits on a nearby stool and thinks about Tamsin Stone-Sentry in the stories. He tries to be like what he always imagined she must've been like. Shit, he hasn't thought about that since his second septad. Freaky shit.

"Hey," he says to Felix. "Figured I should check in on you."

4/14, before the stains are removed

[sinsoftheblaze]

Dextera himself had been taking much of the same route of hiding from people. Never mind all the blood from his deaths made him look horrible to look at, the stains marked out his sins clearly in black on his arms: "Sinner", "The Blaze". Dextera choose to avoid people so they wouldn't ask what they meant.

Answers he was not ready to give, least of all the tally marks on his back. They counted not his deaths but something else.

But it eventually occurred to him that it would probably be best to let Felix at least know what was going on. So Dextera finally decided to stop hiding for the moment and find him, trailing blood as he went.

Felix's room was his first place to check and luckily enough it was the right one. Although he was aware of what was going on, seeing the marks on someone he cared about and the blood awoke reflexes that Dextera had to suppress. It wasn't real, even if the pain was.

Instead, the mute just knocks on the nearest flat surface to hopefully catch Felix's attention. Hello.

[lord_wizard]

He'd been so focused that he hadn't heard the door open, and when he lifts his head to hear the noise, the sight he finds is no less shocking. An angry admonition for the interruption had been ready on his lips, but it dies immediately, with a wide-eyed look of horror and concern.

"Dextera..."

[sinsoftheblaze]

He smiled just a bit. It probably did nothing to distract from the marks and blood but it was worth a try.

Dextera made his way over to where Felix was sitting and, deciding to avoid getting blood all over everything else, chose to stand and write in his journal that way once he put it on the table.

'Can I help you?'

It'd probably be counter....counter something. He would probably be no help in cleaning or really anything at this point. But he wanted to try.

[lord_wizard]

He shoved the chair away from the table and turned to better face the boy, unsure of what do ask or say. He had only a small idea of the pain Dextera bore, and it'd seemed so much worse to what he had to endure. It was something he often forgot.

"You can start by sitting down," he said, and gesture at an adjacent chair.

[sinsoftheblaze]

He wouldn't blame you for forgetting. It's something he'd like to forget from time to time. Not that it was really an option. His deaths were the only solid memories he had of home and since the castle decided some of his were fine to take away, he didn't want to lose more.

Dextera takes a seat and tapped the message again. Was there anything he could do, even just sit here? He'd clean up the blood that was staining the ground but trying something for a positive change was different.

Probably nicer.

[lord_wizard]

Felix gave Dextera a sidelong look and sighed.

"I don't know. I am planning to leave for the expedition in a few days, blood or no blood. The day cannot come fast enough. Though, perhaps I should ask the same question of you."

[lioneyed]

Thamuris doesn't know how many secrets are hiding in Felix's past - just that they're there, and that Felix doesn't want to talk to them. And so far, that's been good enough. When Felix bolts out of the meeting room with marks fresh on him, it startles Thamuris, but when he gets a moment to calm his nerves, he realizes that it doesn't really surprise him. Calling Felix 'volatile' would be an understatement, really. Mildmay had followed him out, which was good, though the shadowy chains connecting them was... not so good. And raised questions he'd really like to know the answer to, but he wasn't sure he'd get them.

He waits until the meeting has mostly dispersed itself, and then decides he should probably go find Felix and Mildmay. He takes his time, wanting to give them time to talk first, and honestly, he's not quite sure where Felix has gone. He checks the back corners of Chimera first, then the library, and then finally comes to the door with Felix's name on the nameplate, and gives it a firm knock.

[wishmadeinfire]

Like the last time, Ashura rose to go and answer the door. He was glad Felix and Mildmay had been talking and he did not wish to interrupt them without good cause. This was good for them. He was still trailing blood when he walked, but at least the dark red cotton robe he wore was not showing as much of the blood that coated the rest of him like a stain.

He opened the door, his hair pulled back tightly and looking tired, drawn.

"Thamuris," he said, with a clear note of surprise. He knew that Felix was friends with the man, having seen him at meetings, but he had not had much opportunity to really get to know him.

[kethedammit]

Mildmay has good ears. The rest of his body may not be great, but he can still listen. He turns his head away, just slightly, and calls, "hey, that Thamuris?" It's for his benefit as much as Felix's.

[lord_wizard]

Regardless of who it is, Felix perks up a bit - though it was more a wince than anything else at this point. He wasn't sure he could deal with another well-wisher, but he wasn't in the mood to drive Thamuris of all people off, especially not after how abominable he'd been to the other wizard the last month.

And well, Mildmay might not flinch at seeing him naked, but he couldn't say the same of others.

"This just keeps getting better," he muttered, and wandered into the other room to find pants.

[lioneyed]

Thamuris blinks in surprise - he was sure this was the right door, but he'd not expected Ashura to be the one answering it. Still, he'd come this far - he wasn't going to turn around now.

"Is Felix in?"

[wishmadeinfire]

Ashura nodded and stepped back to let the other step in, shutting the door behind him as he had for Mildmay. He motioned for Thamuris to take a seat, the other looking frail enough as it was without all this happening.

"I will let him know you're here," he murmured. "A moment," he continued and headed into the adjoining room from the living area - the bedroom.

He watched Felix look for pants, hands folded before him. "Thamuris wants to know if you would like to speak with him," he said quietly, trying to be soothing.

[lord_wizard]

Felix stepped into a pair of trousers and slung the towel over his bare shoulders with an audible sigh. He didn't really want to, but he owed Thamuris some kind of explanation, and a small vindictive part of him wanted to throw it all in his face.

"I'm coming out," he said, and turned back to his brother.

"Come on. You may as well be here for this." Given the other wizard was friends with him, and having Mildmay there might reign in his temper.