The tears fall, they're so easy to wipe off onto my sleeve

[lord_wizard]

Who: Felix + Mildmay, Ashura, Dextera, and Thamuris
What: Felix handles the appearance of his stains like he does most things - trying to hide.
When: Anywhere from Saturday 4/13, after the Chimera meeting, to before the removal of the stains (please specify)
Where: Room 626
Rating: pg-13

He couldn't have left the tower quick enough. There were too many eyes and too many uninvited questions, but nor could he bring himself to outright run back to the room. That only would have brought him more attention, as much as he wants to.

He slams into the the apartment tearing off jacket and shirt as he makes his way to the bathroom, twisting desperately to get a look at his back and reaching back to touch. He feels no pain, and realizes that his scars are just as they've always been, except not. They were a silent and unseen reminder of his past until now. Now they stood out and called attention to his misery - to the sordid nature of his past - no longer able to be hid under the veil of cloth. Frantically he tries to wipe the blood away, but it only wells up again, the blood on his hands only making things worse rather than better. He tries to bathe, and the waters run red with the residue of his shame, but the stains themselves never leave.

Eventually he gives up, letting the water drain but staying right where he was was, curled on his side in the expanse of his marble bathtub as his scars left smears of red over the surface, face buried in a gathered up towel, which is slowly soaking through with the blood from his hands.

By the next day he's made attempts, but after the marks soak through more than one jacket, he limits himself to just trousers and a blouse. It doesn't much matter. He refuses to leave the rooms anyway, nor makes any overtures to speak to anyone. He keeps to himself - a morose huddle at the dining room table (the only furniture he can't stain by sitting on it), pouring over the journal and the available maps of the continent. His only solace is that maybe, must maybe, this will stop once they get into the Dead Zone.

Comments

[lord_wizard]

He'd been so focused that he hadn't heard the door open, and when he lifts his head to hear the noise, the sight he finds is no less shocking. An angry admonition for the interruption had been ready on his lips, but it dies immediately, with a wide-eyed look of horror and concern.

"Dextera..."

[sinsoftheblaze]

He smiled just a bit. It probably did nothing to distract from the marks and blood but it was worth a try.

Dextera made his way over to where Felix was sitting and, deciding to avoid getting blood all over everything else, chose to stand and write in his journal that way once he put it on the table.

'Can I help you?'

It'd probably be counter....counter something. He would probably be no help in cleaning or really anything at this point. But he wanted to try.

[lord_wizard]

He shoved the chair away from the table and turned to better face the boy, unsure of what do ask or say. He had only a small idea of the pain Dextera bore, and it'd seemed so much worse to what he had to endure. It was something he often forgot.

"You can start by sitting down," he said, and gesture at an adjacent chair.

[sinsoftheblaze]

He wouldn't blame you for forgetting. It's something he'd like to forget from time to time. Not that it was really an option. His deaths were the only solid memories he had of home and since the castle decided some of his were fine to take away, he didn't want to lose more.

Dextera takes a seat and tapped the message again. Was there anything he could do, even just sit here? He'd clean up the blood that was staining the ground but trying something for a positive change was different.

Probably nicer.

[lord_wizard]

Felix gave Dextera a sidelong look and sighed.

"I don't know. I am planning to leave for the expedition in a few days, blood or no blood. The day cannot come fast enough. Though, perhaps I should ask the same question of you."

[sinsoftheblaze]

'I'm okay.'

He wasn't though but the reflex to lie about his health was etched into Dextera's being as much as it was to duck when he heard something heavy drop on the floor. But still, he offers a smile even if he didn't want to.

'Where are you going?'

It's a clear subject change and not one of his bests.

[lord_wizard]

He lets it go for the moment, even though he's quick to spot the evasion. He's been known to do the same himself on more than one occasion.

"East," he answered, pointing towards the general place where the object might have fallen, "to find out what caused the earthquake last week."

[sinsoftheblaze]

'When everything started shaking, right?'

Like many things in Paradisa, that was Dextera's first experience with an earthquake. It really wasn't one he wanted to experience again because he had been afraid everything would break. But still, learning experiences.

'Do you know how long you'll be gone?'

[lord_wizard]

He'd never felt such a thing either, and had been terrifying at the time. What seemed like something good to check into now was a decent excuse to quit the castle.

"I'm trying to determine that right now, but a week or two, I think, depending on what we find out there."

[sinsoftheblaze]

Dextera leaned over to look at the map, even if it was difficult to see because he had to cover his right eye to stop the blood from it dripping onto the pages. Not that his whole body was better but less of a mess was good too.

'I can stay here for a bit.'

He wanted to go outside too but not with all this blood. Not when the memories were still fresh, so to speak, too crystal clear for his liking. Maybe when they were gone.

[lord_wizard]

The look of concern resurfaced on his face then, along with a sliver of anger at the castle for what it was doing. Maybe he deserved it. His actions in the past were all largely done of his own volition. He was less sure about Dextera.

"You can stay if you like. You're not obligated to go with me. Mildmay and Ashura are coming as well."

He sighed then, and gestured gently towards the words on Dextera's skin. "None of this is your fault, you know."

[sinsoftheblaze]

I'll st

But it just takes that single mention for him to shut down. Dextera draws away from the journal and tries to cover his arms up, failing when the words start to seep through the sleeves of his coat and the mute sighs.

He did deserve this. While the deaths could be attributed to many different reasons - carelessness, giving up, the way the world simply worked, or his final wish he'll probably never get - Dextera knew those words would be there regardless of the castle. Maybe he just needed a physical reminder, as usual.

[lord_wizard]

Felix sighed heavily, wanting to throw the book across the room but refraining from worrying Dextera more than he already had. Instead he stretched his arms out on the tabletop, with this palms upwards, showing the layer of dirt and blood.

"...We all have sins, some greater than others, perhaps, but in that you are not alone."