But the ghosts that we knew {OPEN};

[youfallback]

Who: Carolina and you!
What: Training at all hours of the day. Like sane people do. c:
When: 0400-1200 and 1400-2200 (the gym), 1200-1300 (the kitchen), 2200-2300 (the kitchen)
Where: The gym and the kitchen
Rating: PG-13 maybe for language and/or violence


[Most nights, Carolina couldn't sleep. The near-constant feeling of not being secure or safe enough to shut her eyes kept what adrenaline she had left pumping through her well enough to keep her awake. That said, she can't run on fumes all week long and when she does sleep, she dreams about home. About twin voices screaming her dead mother's name in her head, when plugging her ears only amplifies the sound. About a teammate taking two axes to the chest, from a soldier Carolina had never trusted, never wanted to trust. About another teammate grabbing her around the neck, yanking the AI chips from the back of her neck, tossing her from a cliff like a piece of garbage. About waiting in the snow. About never being good enough. About throwing a lighter.

It's one of those nights when her body forces her to sleep long enough to recharge enough of her battery to somewhat function, but the nightmares don't stay away. They never do. And she wakes up early, in a cold sweat, shaking, screaming. It's enough to keep her awake for another couple days, she hopes, that her body got enough to last her. Two days awake is always too short a time, but she can't get herself to stay awake longer and the four hours or so of sleep are always too long.

So, she's out of bed in an instant, tugging her armor on before all but sprinting down to the gym at 0400, needing a distraction and a purpose to her life.

Or what she could call a life in guilty conscience.]

(ooc: I will have open threads, just tag wherever! Just specify the time please so there can be multiple threads per location. c:

Current threads: South's is around noonish. Church's is before 1400. York's is at 1400. )

Comments

THE KITCHEN

[youfallback]

[On the odd hours that Carolina does take a break enough to eat, so she doesn't ruin the hours of training, she's back in her armor, still sans helmet. An MRE is usually pretty quick to eat, but she has to give her stomach a half an hour to digest or risk cramps ruining the rest of her afternoon or evening.]

[i_got_this]

[South hasn't spent much time in the castle at all since moving into the city, but on the occassions that she does she's usually in armor. Sometimes she felt alright, and certainly knowing North was here was a source of comfort, but then there were those times that she remembered the horrors she'd experienced too freshly, and needed the cuccoon of titanium.]

[Today is one of those days, though her helmet rests on the counter as she enjoys a beer and some leftover pizza in the kitchen ]<>

[youfallback]

[Carolina knows it's a risk to go to the kitchen at all, especially before her helmet can be rebuilt, but she'd rather not waste the time climbing the tower. Not when the kitchen has plenty of MREs for its military residents. Not that anyone else really eats any of them. As she passes into the kitchen, though, she recognizes South in an instant, but her gait remains smooth. She's not sure how to regard the other woman. Despite showing the utmost loyalty to the program, she also knows that, unless their timeline had changed, South would end up being responsible for her brother's death and shoot Wash in the back.

So, for now, she'll simply glance over with a nod and a,] South.

[i_got_this]

[South narrows her eyes at Carolina, then sets her food and drink aside and crosses her arms. South had put much stock into what Carolina had told her, and depended so much on the idea that they could change their timelines. North's presence, his specific point in time, and now what York had told South about Carolina, only seemed to point at how wrong that theory was. South felt betrayed.]

So. You're back. [Her tone is ice, nothing welcoming in the least.]

[youfallback]

[Carolina doesn't pause as she goes to the cabinet to retrieve sustenance. She grabs an MRE and sets it and a fork down on the counter. Well, that settles her feelings about South.]

I am.

[She at least tries to keep her tone neutral, much less hostile than talking to York or Wash. Last she remembered before home, they'd been on better terms, shaky but better. Then again, before she'd gone home, she'd been in love with York. Maybe this too was a mistake.]

[i_got_this]

Turns out it's a load of bullshit, isn't it? That we can change our timelines?

[It's a mistake. South hasn't gotten there herself, and so everything they tell her she has to reconiles against the fact that she most vividly remembers dropping a rank and missing out on the mission.]

[youfallback]

[Carolina frowns. She remembers discussions about changing their timelines, about trying to get a way to undo what was waiting for them down the pipe, but for all Carolina knows, they never found a way to even attempt it.

Still, she is alive, even if she'd stubbornly assert it was her own doing, no one else's.] Who told you that.

[Because then she has yet another reason to be pissed at York or whoever.]

[i_got_this]

Does it matter? [Her voice is dripping with hatred and disdain.] Were you trying to keep it from me? Did you know I'd be pissed if I found out? Because I am. I believed you, Carolina.

[She takes her helmet and looks at the visor, at her reflection, and them glowers over at Carolina.] What a mistake that was.

[youfallback]

[Carolina's not sure she's heard that much hate in one person's voice in a long, long time. Not even from Texas. Carolina tears open her MRE but doesn't start eating right away.]

You made a mistake trusting whoever told you we can't change timelines. I'm alive, in case you didn't notice.

[She barely eats down a and that's all that matters.]

[i_got_this]

So? What does that prove? Congrats on not getting your stupid ass dead? What about North? He sure as hell doesn't remember living.

[Emotion breaks in her voice as she spits the words out, leaning over the table and continuing to channel her building rage toward Carolina.]

[youfallback]

[Carolina barely contains her temper, barely checks it, even as she grips the counter in grip that could likely break off a piece of it.]

I was supposed to be killed by Maine. [Every word is the beginning of a low growl.

But she should have expected that no one would be relieved to find her alive. York hadn't looked for her, her father hadn't looked for her, and now South. Figured.]

He still has time. [Even though she wants to call him a traitor.]

[i_got_this]

No,he doesn't. He goes back, he's dead, which means the only person you saved was yourself, you stupid, fucking selfish bitch!

[She lets the anger break and wash over her, screaming at Carolina with a face twisted in rage and hurt.]

[youfallback]

He still has time in you, you fucking idiot. I was never going to be the one changing his fate.

[In the past, she would have if she could, but she had so fewer details when she disappeared.]

[i_got_this]

What are you, fucking deaf? He's already dead! It didn't work! [She's getting more and more wound up, and kicks out at a chair in her frustration. Nothing sounded better to her at times like this then the sounds of destruction.]

Guess that's what I get for trusting you.

[youfallback]

[Carolina goes white for a moment, but South's words do so much more damage than she expected and they instead rile up more anger.]

Don't fucking talk to me like that. You were the one who set him up to be killed. And you shot Wash in the back.

[This time her grip actually breaks the counter and a chunk cracks off in her hand.]

[i_got_this]

[She should be worried by that, but she doesn't let up, instead giving a sharp, butter laugh.]

It doesn't fucking matter what I do here, does it? Because I can't change it. You know, you had me convinced I could? Fuck. You. I'll talk to you however I want, you fucking cunt.

[youfallback]

[Carolina snarls at South,] Did it ever matter? You wanted to use me for what you wanted. Just like everyone else in this fucking Castle.

[A larger piece of the counter comes off in her hands and she throws it at the wall in pure frustration. God, she can't do anything right, can she.

No, she has to be doing something right, because if she isn't---] You killed him. Everything has to do with you changing yourself so you don't end up murdering the only person who could ever tolerate you.

[i_got_this]

[South hauls off and kicks the table at Carolina.]

I am changed. I, me, here, I've tried so fucking hard, so don't you even fucking dare start in on me.

[Carolina's words sting, because there's truth to them. North was the only Freelancer, in her experience, who had ever given any thought to her, but she had tried to change, since being here, since learning about the future. That it didn't matter angered her in a way she couldn't even begin to describe, and violence was always her preferred coping mechanism.]

[youfallback]

[Carolina dodges most of the table, but it's still a fucking table. It glances off her shoulder guard and she stumbles back a step with the force.]

You mean kicking tables at people. Yeah, South, you've really changed.

[i_got_this]

[South gets a bit of satisfaction at the stumble, and moves up a step where the table had been.] I'm done trying to convince you, I'm done trying to convince everyone. No one fucking listens to me anyway.

[Her stance is defensive, tense and ready for a fight.]

[youfallback]

I tried listening to you. [Carolina doesn't step up, but not out of any fear. She came here to eat lunch, not get in a fight with her former teammate.] It obviously didn't work.

[i_got_this]

When? When did you ever listen?

[Yeah she came in here for lunch, too, but she's just as ready to throw down as she is to finish pizza leftovers.]

[youfallback]

Every time I went to your room. [The more they talk, though, the more fruitless this conversation seems. ]

[i_got_this]

You didn't listen, you just talked! All these lies about how I could 'change my future' and save my brother ... and then he shows up dead anyway. Fuck - you!

[She's through hesitating, taking a step and throwing the first punch.]

[youfallback]

[Carolina's about to answer when South starts off with that first punch and Carolina is lucky to be facing square enough to block the blow, considering they're both without helmets. She makes a mental note to avoid the other woman's face as she quickly pivots and swings a quick toward the other agent's chest. If it's successful, she'll follow with another quick two, hoping to put her off balance.]