But the ghosts that we knew {OPEN};

[youfallback]

Who: Carolina and you!
What: Training at all hours of the day. Like sane people do. c:
When: 0400-1200 and 1400-2200 (the gym), 1200-1300 (the kitchen), 2200-2300 (the kitchen)
Where: The gym and the kitchen
Rating: PG-13 maybe for language and/or violence


[Most nights, Carolina couldn't sleep. The near-constant feeling of not being secure or safe enough to shut her eyes kept what adrenaline she had left pumping through her well enough to keep her awake. That said, she can't run on fumes all week long and when she does sleep, she dreams about home. About twin voices screaming her dead mother's name in her head, when plugging her ears only amplifies the sound. About a teammate taking two axes to the chest, from a soldier Carolina had never trusted, never wanted to trust. About another teammate grabbing her around the neck, yanking the AI chips from the back of her neck, tossing her from a cliff like a piece of garbage. About waiting in the snow. About never being good enough. About throwing a lighter.

It's one of those nights when her body forces her to sleep long enough to recharge enough of her battery to somewhat function, but the nightmares don't stay away. They never do. And she wakes up early, in a cold sweat, shaking, screaming. It's enough to keep her awake for another couple days, she hopes, that her body got enough to last her. Two days awake is always too short a time, but she can't get herself to stay awake longer and the four hours or so of sleep are always too long.

So, she's out of bed in an instant, tugging her armor on before all but sprinting down to the gym at 0400, needing a distraction and a purpose to her life.

Or what she could call a life in guilty conscience.]

(ooc: I will have open threads, just tag wherever! Just specify the time please so there can be multiple threads per location. c:

Current threads: South's is around noonish. Church's is before 1400. York's is at 1400. )

Comments

THE GYM

[youfallback]

[Carolina is almost always in the gym throughout the day today. Usually, she takes time to organize her thoughts regarding the evacuation plan, but today she can't think straight. Every couple hours, she switches out of her armor into plain gray fatigues to make sure that she can handle the possibility of losing her armor. In either armor or not, though, Carolina frequents the punching bag, track, and weights, but she's more than willing to spar against any opponent that walks through the door.]

Gym - 1400

[encryptedlock]

[Bet she's not willing to spar with this one. As part of his standard patrol, York walks by the gym when he notices a familiar sea-foam-green, teal-cyan-whatever color it is armor, and damned if that doesn't make him stop, mad at her though he may be. He'll watch covertly from outside until she looks like she's in the middle of a routine or turned away, and then he walks in casually and takes a spot over on the wall across the room. He can still watch her from here, whether or not she notices him.

Too bad there's not an observation deck.]

[youfallback]

[Carolina's working harder than she had been this morning. She'd first set up a couple clay pigeon shooters to shoot clay pigeons at her so she could kick or punch them out of the air. A handful of them were a challenge, but she didn't want a challenge today. She wanted to push herself harder than ever.

Because.

Because her being alive wasn't good enough. Her surviving an attack by her teammate who overpowered her in every single way, whose attack haunted her nightmares and still scared her down to her core. It was a bad thing that she was alive and North was dead. She didn't deserve to be alive.

Sure, she's not trying to outright kill herself, but she's trying to prove that she deserves every breath she takes. But every breath still feels like a lie. Like it should belong to someone else.

Her fight with South has left her raw and bleeding, but she isn't taking the time to patch up those wounds in her head. Pushing herself is the only way she knows how to grieve at this point.

So she sets up seven clay pigeon shooters and as he enters the gym, she's kicking down as many as she can, but two still strike against her armor. And she can't help but be pissed off. She isn't improving.] Dammit!

[encryptedlock]

[Well, no wonder she isn't improving if she's trying to take down seven of them at once. Any idiot knows you start with one or two and work your way up. York sighs as she curses, though they're obviously not doing any physical damage to her.

He knows the way she moves. She's distracted, exhausted--if she doesn't take a break soon, she;s only going to get worse. So what does she do? She comes into the gym and starts training harder than ever before.

He'd really tried to impress on her the importance of relaxation, of pacing yourself, and he'd hoped it would somehow help her and keep her from overreacting, stressing, breaking into pieces. Well, here it didn't work and she's standing out there, and the pieces of clay pigeon aren't the only thing that's broken.

Fuck.]

[youfallback]

[Carolina at first doesn't see him as she swallows down that failure, lets it settle in her stomach as a reminder that she doesn't deserve anything, and then sets the clay pigeons to shoot again. Just as she's about to fire them again, she finally spots him there against the wall. There's not much more she can take at this point and seeing him is yet another point of pressure against her rapidly-breaking psyche.]

Get out.

[encryptedlock]

[York shoots down an immature reaction of "you get out". Instead, he keeps his tone cool and stays where he is, far away from her.]

I live here too, you know. The gym is open to everyone.

[youfallback]

You're not using it. [She growls out like a wounded animal. The fast he gets out of here, the faster she can get back to training, despite having trained for hours and hours already. Still, he's just sitting there and as far as she can see, doing nothing that requires the gym.]

[encryptedlock]

Actually, I am. I'm working as a spotter. Making sure someone doesn't get hurt by taking on too much at once.

[Because, like it or not, that's exactly what's going to happen. She needs about a week in the Doctor's Zero Room, but she's not going to take it. The least he can do is make sure she doesn't end up breaking a limb on the training room floor.]

[youfallback]

I don't need a spotter. I can handle what I'm doing. [And, as if he needed proof or something, Carolina sets the pigeon shooters to go again and maybe it's the extra point of pressure or maybe it's a lucky shot, but she barely manages to knock all seven out of the air. She had to swing her arm at a really painful angle to do so, but she got them down. That's all that matters.] So get out.

THE KITCHEN

[youfallback]

[On the odd hours that Carolina does take a break enough to eat, so she doesn't ruin the hours of training, she's back in her armor, still sans helmet. An MRE is usually pretty quick to eat, but she has to give her stomach a half an hour to digest or risk cramps ruining the rest of her afternoon or evening.]

[i_got_this]

[South hasn't spent much time in the castle at all since moving into the city, but on the occassions that she does she's usually in armor. Sometimes she felt alright, and certainly knowing North was here was a source of comfort, but then there were those times that she remembered the horrors she'd experienced too freshly, and needed the cuccoon of titanium.]

[Today is one of those days, though her helmet rests on the counter as she enjoys a beer and some leftover pizza in the kitchen ]<>

[youfallback]

[Carolina knows it's a risk to go to the kitchen at all, especially before her helmet can be rebuilt, but she'd rather not waste the time climbing the tower. Not when the kitchen has plenty of MREs for its military residents. Not that anyone else really eats any of them. As she passes into the kitchen, though, she recognizes South in an instant, but her gait remains smooth. She's not sure how to regard the other woman. Despite showing the utmost loyalty to the program, she also knows that, unless their timeline had changed, South would end up being responsible for her brother's death and shoot Wash in the back.

So, for now, she'll simply glance over with a nod and a,] South.

[i_got_this]

[South narrows her eyes at Carolina, then sets her food and drink aside and crosses her arms. South had put much stock into what Carolina had told her, and depended so much on the idea that they could change their timelines. North's presence, his specific point in time, and now what York had told South about Carolina, only seemed to point at how wrong that theory was. South felt betrayed.]

So. You're back. [Her tone is ice, nothing welcoming in the least.]

[youfallback]

[Carolina doesn't pause as she goes to the cabinet to retrieve sustenance. She grabs an MRE and sets it and a fork down on the counter. Well, that settles her feelings about South.]

I am.

[She at least tries to keep her tone neutral, much less hostile than talking to York or Wash. Last she remembered before home, they'd been on better terms, shaky but better. Then again, before she'd gone home, she'd been in love with York. Maybe this too was a mistake.]

[i_got_this]

Turns out it's a load of bullshit, isn't it? That we can change our timelines?

[It's a mistake. South hasn't gotten there herself, and so everything they tell her she has to reconiles against the fact that she most vividly remembers dropping a rank and missing out on the mission.]

[youfallback]

[Carolina frowns. She remembers discussions about changing their timelines, about trying to get a way to undo what was waiting for them down the pipe, but for all Carolina knows, they never found a way to even attempt it.

Still, she is alive, even if she'd stubbornly assert it was her own doing, no one else's.] Who told you that.

[Because then she has yet another reason to be pissed at York or whoever.]

[i_got_this]

Does it matter? [Her voice is dripping with hatred and disdain.] Were you trying to keep it from me? Did you know I'd be pissed if I found out? Because I am. I believed you, Carolina.

[She takes her helmet and looks at the visor, at her reflection, and them glowers over at Carolina.] What a mistake that was.

ANYWHERE ELSE

[youfallback]

[Carolina doesn't spend a lot of time anywhere but the gym, the kitchen, or her room nowadays, but she's still able to be caught in transit.]

[originalcopy]

[Church was doing his usual 'totally not a patrol' walk around the castle, which just happened to bring him past Sunny's door on the fifth floor.

He shouldn't be surprised to see Carolina, it was only a matter of time before their paths crossed. And now here she is stalking down the hall toward him. It's got to be her, she's the only person in armor he hasn't seen, other than the new Spartan. And that's definitely Freelancer armor.

He considers just turning and walking back the way he came, but it's too late for that, it would look suspicious. So he's just got to walk past her. She doesn't know what he looks like anyway, he's not in his armor. He'll just... walk casual.]

[doop de doo, nothing to see here.]

[youfallback]

[At first, she's ready to ignore anyone she's walking past, but Church's appearance honestly startles her. Last she had heard, her father wasn't here in the Castle, not even a younger version of him. But here he is walking toward her and she can't help the sick panic that stabs furiously into her stomach. She should have checked, she should have made sure. There's obviously a reason he hasn't broadcasted his presence, what with two traitors within easy reach.

So, instead of letting him pass, she'll stop right in front of him, but try to be discrete and not stand at attention.] Sir, how long have you been here?

[originalcopy]

[Almost there, just a few more steps and he'll be past her and everything will be fine. He's confident that there's just no way that she could ever tell him from anyone else in the castle. But then she just stops, blocking his path and the ice bath rush of panic washes over him.]

I... uh, what?

Six months.

[Why would she want to know how long he's been here? And sir?]

[youfallback]

[Six months. Six months and she didn't recognize--- and then it hits her. The Castle had implanted her with false memories of a different family. Either way, though, he sounds confused. Like he's not expecting her somehow. She swallows, reminding herself that this is a much younger version of her father, or so it appeared, and likely wouldn't know her yet.]

Sir, I--- [Shit, what to even start with. Might as well get a timeline of some kind established.] This will sound strange, but have you met a woman named Allison yet?

[That would at least give her a frame of reference to start at.]

[originalcopy]

[His first thought is to tell her to stop calling him 'sir', but then she mentions Allison.]

Why, is she here?!

[He grabs for his journal. Could he have missed her? Wondering why Carolina would have asked in the first place is pushed aside in the vain hope that maybe Tex had arrived. But a quick scan of the journal dashes that hope and leaves him feeling crestfallen.]

[youfallback]

[Carolina watches him as he panics and looks through his journal. Well that answers the question of whether or not he knows Allison. That desperation is all too familiar and she pales as she watches him.]

No, she isn't here. [She watches him and it just hurts, remembering that reaction too clearly.] Sir, she isn't here right now.

[Because they don't say goodbye in this family.]

[originalcopy]

Right... of course not.

[Because, why the fuck would she be. The disappointment and pain is all to easily to cover up with annoyance and ire. It's just easier to be angry than to be hurt.]

Look stop calling me 'Sir'... it's fuckin' creepy.