[closed]

[nohalfway]

Who: Ellie (nohalfway),Tess (dog_eat_dog), and Joel (focusrighthere)
What: New roommates, and a little bit of an apology.
When: Early Evening
Where: Joel and Tess' home.
Rating: PG-13 as usual for bad language.

[ Well, this is it. They're far, far away from what they knew. No infected, no Fireflies, no corrupt government... Nothing. Living a normal life is something Ellie never really imagined. Hell, what she lived was normal by their standards. You survived, you hunted, and you fought to not become the hunted. ]

[ So adjusting to a place like this? Near impossible. Ellie assumed she'd stay with Joel, just as they had before, and he seemed fine with it. There was an empty room in his home he shared with others, but that didn't catch her interests at all. A room to herself? Yeah, that might seem like prime real estate for someone her age, but when you're so used to being packed like sardines in one room with another individual? It just feels like the safest route. ]

[ Ellie settles with that, making her own little place of comfort with what she can find. She takes it upon herself to steal whatever pillow or cushion she can find, piling it in the corner of Joel and Tess' bedroom with absolutely no remorse. Ellie stacks a few pillows to construct a roof, a blanket making a curtain, which she keeps draped upward and leaving her little cave uncovered, for now. It's a pretty comfortable corner, and Ellie's already taking advantage of it, pun-book in hand as she reads it lying on her back. ]

It's not that the man didn't know how to juggle, it's just that he didn't have the balls to do it.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaah, burn.

[ She turns a page, snickering to herself when she reads another. ]

I'm glad I know sign language. It's pretty handy.

Pfffff. Good one.

Comments

[dog_eat_dog]

[Tess gets back from the laundry room to find the place ransacked. Not entirely of course, but very specifically –– the cushions from the couch are missing, as are the throw pillows, and she narrows her eyes as she adjusts how the laundry basket sits on her hip. Who the hell...?

No, she reminds herself. It's probably Ellie. It has to be Ellie.

Tess crosses their apartment to poke her head in Ellie's room, which is suspiciously empty despite being deprived of pillows and the blanket.

Christ.

Tess then moves to her and Joel's bedroom, bracing herself for yet another little tiff. Ellie's been sleeping on the floor in their room since she arrived, given that the paranoia born out of a lifetime in their world didn't just vanish the moment one arrived in a safe place. It's expected, Tess reminds herself, but if she's being honest, it's still been a pain in the ass. She's been torn between marking her territory in her own bed with Joel and taking the couch, and she knows how Joel feels about being "partners" in front of Ellie.

At the doorway, Tess's suspicions are confirmed: there's Ellie in her "fort", and Tess just rolls her eyes and walks past it to set the laundry basket on the bed to start unpacking clean clothes. Balled-together socks, precisely folded shirts, pants with the inseam creased out properly, even folded underwear. (Tess is insane.)

Watch her ignore Ellie, as if she isn't a mere six feet away in a massive pillow fort.]

[nohalfway]

[ While Ellie might be invested in her literary prowess, the sudden arrival of Tess through the doorway has her cease reading aloud. Her eyes shift up, watching an upside-down Tess make her way to the bed to start folding laundry. Ellie rolls over onto her stomach, watching her silently for a moment before biting the bullet and talking. ]

[ They left off on a really shitty note, and that's completely Ellie's fault. She'd hate to leave things that way. So, Ellie muses, a smile on her face as her feet happily kick to and fro behind her. ]

Oh look, you came just in time for the comedy program.

[ She flips a page. ]

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

[ Ellie laughs to herself, as usual. And her eyes meet with Tess to see if she's smiling, laughing, anything. Almost as if she's requesting acceptance. ]

[dog_eat_dog]

[Tess lifts her eyes to Ellie, meeting them in a cool, unblinking stare. Her expression is deadpan. Everything feels deadpan. God damnit, she'd just gotten used to Ellie being gone, and now she's back at square one. She'd wanted to like Ellie, too, have a chance to start fresh on good feet, and then Ellie had gone and said those stupid fucking things.

Which Tess is still sore about, unfortunately. Until Ellie, no one had rubbed her death in or even made clear the inevitable since she arrived. Tess had known she was going to die at the hands of the military, and that was all she'd wanted to know: no details required. It was kinder on her mind to focus on what she was avoiding rather than what her death was actually about.

So with a deadpan tone, Tess just replies:]

Puns are the lowest kind of humor.

[And then she resumes folding.]

You better put everything back in its right place when you're finished being five years old, too.

[nohalfway]

[ Her deadpan stare was only a little heartbreaking at first, but the immediate disapproval of her humor makes her feel embarrassed that she even tried. Ellie's features tighten, her lips forming a thin line for a moment as she closes the book and adjusts herself to sit up straight. ]

Yeah, I really pissed you off, didn't I?

[ Her hands form into tight fists at her knees, she shifts uncomfortably. ]

[dog_eat_dog]

[Tess heaves a sigh –– god, after everything with Clementine, she is really not interested in arguing with children, and while Ellie usually occupies some space between "teenager" and "adult", she is undeniably a child when she's hanging out in pillow forts.]

I'm not really sure what you expected. [Her tone is clipped, pragmatic, all to avoid sounding bothered by it, which she so sorely is.] I doubt you'd be so happy-go-lucky if I waltzed back into your life, described your fucked-up body and then moved into your room and started fucking with everything.

[Everything: the way she keeps the furniture and decor, her living arrangements, her relationship dynamics with Joel. God, at this rate, she's going to develop some weird anti-mommy complex.

She's going to have a drink when she finishes folding everything. She's going to have a tall, stiff drink.]

[nohalfway]

Look, I'm sorry about that, okay?

[ Ellie holds her hands up in defense. ]

I know, I was a dick. Just that's legitimately the first time someone I watched die suddenly not be dead anymore, and I panicked.

You can understand that, can't you? We're all supposed to suddenly act like everything's okay? Fuck what just happened to all of us?

It doesn't work like that.

[ Ellie completely gets why Tess is mad, and maybe a past self would have been fuck-all about it and storm off, but she's important. She's important to Joel, she's important to their team. While this place may not be as dangerous now, who's to know it could just as suddenly get worse? ]

[dog_eat_dog]

I'm sure it was real hard seeing someone you knew for maybe twenty-four hours come to life. Definitely harder than being reminded about your own death and how nobody gets to go peacefully anymore.

[It's thin sarcasm, but sarcasm all the same. Tess knows Ellie's been through shit, but her own selfishness trumps that, sometimes. It's so much easier to look out for herself rather than someone else.

Tess practically stalks across the room with a pile of t-shirts in hand, which she shoves into the wardrobe drawer, and then she returns for the socks and underwear.]

Poor you, right?

[nohalfway]

No, but it's not exactly fun watching anybody die. Come on, I'm fucking human.

And, well...

[ Ellie lets herself crash onto the bed, sitting down and watching her feet dangle over the carpet. ]

It obviously hurt Joel a whole lot and I can't just pretend that you didn't matter just because I only knew you one day. You covered my ass that whole time, didn't you?

I didn't mean to freak you out, okay? If I could take it back, I would.

[dog_eat_dog]

[Tess makes a face when Ellie moves to the bed, and she picks up another armload of laundry so it doesn't get rolled on or sent askew or anything. Children.]

Joel and I have been here together for six months. We've been through it.

[And she knows Ellie didn't mean it –– things happen, people panic, that's life –– but she just feels so stung by it. Tess doesn't add anything for a moment, and then finally, she does:]

Whatever. I'm not interested in arguing with you. Just forget it happened, because what's what I'm going to do.

[nohalfway]

[ Ellie shrugs. It can't be helped, and she's honestly used to stubborn people at this point. Hell, she's stubborn herself. ]

Alright, fine.

[ And then, silence. It's deafening even after a few seconds, shaking Ellie in a way she can't fight. Obviously, Tess means something to Joel. Joel means something to Ellie, so what kind of person would it make her to not at least try to work something out? She can bite, if not for a little while. ]

So...

[ Her glance shifts to the laundry. The silence is way too much, and, well... She lives here now. Might as well do something. ]

Want some help?

[dog_eat_dog]

I'm just about done here.

[Which is true, at least.]

You can unload the dishwasher, though, and you're obviously going to pack away this disaster when you're finished reading.

[She makes a vague gesture at the pillow fort, which Tess considers a massive hazard in case of emergency. And then, because she might as well put in some sort of effort towards conversation:]

They teach you how to fold clothes properly in military school, or has that gone by the wayside?

[nohalfway]

[ Ellie's jaw drops, a noise of protest coming out shortly after. ]

Aw, come on, it's not a disaster. It's my bed!

[ Hey, she's totally fine with folding clothes, doing dishes, whatever-- And she's the best at folding, thank you. But the pillow fort holds way more precedence right now. ]

[dog_eat_dog]

It is a disaster. You think Joel will appreciate stumbling all over that if there's trouble? [It's on his side of the bed, after all. She gestures again at the fort.] Besides. You're going to have to get used to sleeping in your own bed sooner or later. What's what you have a room for.

later that night!!!

[focusrighthere]

[ They've long since taken down the fort, an offensive eyesore to Tess, and set up a bed for Ellie. She's close-by, if not as close as she was before. Joel can sleep alright with the knowledge that she's still right there.

Maybe she's not the only one who got a little clingy.

He tosses onto his back and rests his arm behind his head with a sleepy sigh, mostly out. With Tess at his side and Ellie in the room, in their new but usually-safe environment, he thinks he might just get some truly restful sleep. ]

Re: later that night!!!

[nohalfway]

[ It's strange... Ellie is used to silence in the dead of night, but nothing like this. But while this place is apparently safe, Ellie can't help herself from fashioning the possible danger of an ambush in her mind. A good hour passes since they've all settled down for the evening, and she finds herself imagining the inhuman moans and grumbles of infected outside of the apartment. She tosses and turns when she could have sworn she heard someone come through the window. ]

[ But she reminds herself every time: Tess and Joel are right beside her. ]

[ A few more adjustments of herself in the bed, and Ellie manages to finally drift off. The calming silence overcomes her eventually, taking her off in slumber. And she gets a good couple hours in before things change, just as it routinely does every single damn night. ]

[ "How did you put it? ... Tiny pieces?". ]

Nn--

[ Ellie's eyelids tighten while they're shut, her face contorting to the raspy voice narrating the rerun of images in her mind. It flashes to various memories, the things that stuck to her the most-- A dangling slab of flesh adjacent to her cell, the severed limbs rolling off the table, still oozing with blood, making a glistening puddle on the ground. She recalls seeing her reflection in it, the look of distaste and fear on her features when they had managed to leave her alone. ]

[ She rolls over abruptly when the scene exchanges with another. Ellie's running, fingers clenched around a brick while she struggles to find a place to hide. The restaurant is too small, and she can't breathe... It's burning. ]

[ "Run, little rabbit..." ]

[ And it seemingly gets worse-- Her feet start to feel heavy, like they're filled with concrete. Ellie goes completely frozen, eyes wide and bottom lip trembling when she finds herself stuck by the flames. Hands take her shoulders, hot breath scrapes against her ear when the figure behind her laughs. ]

[ "You have no idea what I'm capable of." ]

[ She can feel it; a cold blade sliding along the base of her neck, gentle, at first, in execution. The flick of the man's wrist is swift and quick, slicing along her neck. There's a red spray, a lapse of time when suddenly she finds herself on the floor. Ellie can see her reflection again... This time, in a puddle developed of her own blood. She's scared, crying, watching in that very reflection this man's hand take her face between his fingers and force her to look at him above her. ]

[ "Atta girl--", ]

Fuck--!

[ She shoots up in her sleep, breathing heavily and shaking like a leaf. There's beads of sweat coming down her temple, eyes watery and throat burning. All she can manage to do is wrap her arms around herself and hunch forward, taking a moment just to gather that it was just a dream. Another shitty, horrible nightmare. ]

[ Her eyes gaze up to the bed, desperate to make sure that they're sitll there. Hoping to find Joel through the darkness of the room as reassurance. ]

[dog_eat_dog]

[It's strange to have another body in the room.

Not that Tess and Joel ever slept together much in the literal sense back at home –– back home they had separate apartments, even if the contents of "his" apartment were just as much hers as if she lived there. Keeping different places served to draw less attention to them by the housing department, and it also kept the two of them appropriately distanced: if one of them died, the other wouldn't have to sleep in a haunted place. If one of them died, it was one less thing to lose. If one of them died, well, they were already used to sleeping alone most of the time, so it was that much easier to soldier on alone.

When one of them died.

Here in Paradisa, Tess has let the walls come down a bit, first out of practicality (being together in an unknown land) and the second out of some strange homemaker's fantasy, as if living with Joel and sharing a home and a bed with him had been something she hadn't properly taken advantage of in their home world. Here in Paradisa, she's become used to be able to reach out for him in the middle of the night, and used to playing out some semblance of a normal life, allowing herself to be his partner in a way she hadn't before. Here in Paradisa, they could cobble together some weird play at being "normal", even if they did abnormal things, like panic at the sound of fireworks and fight like people who should be divorced.

Having a child, however, is a whole different dynamic. It's one that Tess has never known personally, and never prepared herself to know. She's accepted Ellie as a part of her life, yes, but she didn't think it would change so much. She's drawn some lines in the sand –– no kids in their bed, no messes in the apartment –– and she fucking prays they hold. They've held so far.

Until tonight.

There in bed with Joel, Tess lays half-asleep. Occasionally she shifts closer or further away from Joel, depending on how warm she's feeling, and she only vaguely registers that Ellie is embroiled in some sort of nightmare. They all have nightmares, now and then, and learning to sleep through them has been a survival skill like any other.

All Tess can do is make a groan of annoyance, and she doesn't even register that she does it. Go back to sleep.]

[focusrighthere]

[ They may have months and months on Ellie when it comes to getting used to Paradisa and a non-infected world, but sharp senses and ingrained reflexes never really go away after what they've all been through.

A loud curse and sudden movement startle him awake rather easily -- not to mention, this has happened before and it will happen again. It happened on the way to Salt Lake City. Bad nightmares. He's used to them; having them, hearing them, dealing with them. What he's not used to is how protective he feels for one kid in particular when she's going through them. She'd have these bad dreams and be a little quieter the next day, things that he noticed. Things that crawled under his skin and stayed there.

At Tess' groan, he throws a cursory glance her way before turning on his side and looking for Ellie. He finds her eyes looking for him, something he half-expects. Even in the dark, the fresh terror flashing in them is clear.

He knows what it's about, so he never needs to ask. ]

Ellie, [ calling out to her, quiet, gentle and knowing. Things his voice never used to do much before. ] You alright?

[nohalfway]

[ Ellie finds herself panting as if she's run a mile, her body shaken and tired like that dream was a repeating reality. Her heart is pounding so loudly through her ears, it's a miracle she hears Joel call for her. ]

[ Her eyes meet his, and they quickly shift away. She nods, swallowing something hard before trying to respond. ]

Yeah... Yeah, I'm fine.

[ And she sighs heavily, wiping at her tears and trying to gather herself, but it's a sad reality when she realizes she can't. Somehow, in the peacefulness provided by the castle, it's like she's expecting everything to go horribly wrong. The nightmares are getting worse, and she just hopes it's coming to a head and it'll all eventually stop. ]

...

[ The memories of the nightmare, the freshness of it, she can still feel everything. And it hits her really hard that she's failing at being facetious. Her voice lowers to a whisper, and she covers her face with her hands. ]

No...

[dog_eat_dog]

[Tess rolls over, dragging a pillow over her head and clamping it there as if it'll block out the sounds. Tess can't handle this, but Joel can. Joel is good with kids, Joel is the good cop. Tess doesn't have the maternal instincts to be heartfelt at three in the morning.]

[focusrighthere]

[ Catching the gleam of tears in her eyes and hearing it in her voice, and catching Tess' reaction out of the corner of his sight, Joel decides to move. He tosses his side of the covers away and shuffles across the short gap between their beds. Ellie has her face buried in her hands, that quiet no replays on a short loop in his mind.

He sits and tugs her in close, with both arms. It's not the first time she's woken up in the dead of the night and he's gone to her, but they're usually surrounded by some dingy, looted building or the harsh and unforgiving outdoors. They get through the night and move on the next day, ready to face whatever the hell they have to.

Routine. This is different. A clean room, a clean bed, a scared little kid that has been through way too much for how young she is. ]

It's okay. [ And this is all he can do for her: ] I'm here.

[nohalfway]

[ She feels rather ridiculous over this. All her life, she's gone through it feeling like she can take on the entire world. Ellie was at her bravest in the winter, doing all she can to be strong for both her and Joel. But look at her now. What transpired took all that was left in her, and now she suffers through constant, repetitive nightmares that hurt her the same way every time. ]

[ Ellie doesn't move when Joel makes his way beside her, hardly flinching when his arms wrap around her. It always occurs to her how this is certainly routine for them now, somehow making her feel even guiltier in retrospect. But she can't help how safe she feels, how much better it feels in contrast to what she did alone. ]

[ She doesn't say another word, just shifting to face him and bury her face in his chest. Ellie's arms cling to him, latching on when she still feels herself shake and grow desperate for balance. Her heart is still pounding out her ears, still feeling like she might puke from the fear. ]

[dog_eat_dog]

[Nope, Tess is staying right where she is.]

[focusrighthere]

[ Joel allows Ellie to cling, rubbing at her back when he senses her trembling. Becoming closer to her had been such a gradual, natural thing that he lost track of the exact point where he stopped trying to keep his distance. There were so many legitimate reasons not to let your guard down -- the biggest one being that an unnatural death was inevitable and it was difficult to continue going if you didn't have the right amount of space to unhook the memory of that person.

Tess was with him for so long, then she was gone in a blink. That was hard. Adding Ellie was pure suicide, but he wouldn't take it back now. He feels her fear as if was partly his own, holding on tighter for it. Almost losing her that winter certainty hadn't helped. He spares another glance at the other bed, at the partner-shaped lump buried in covers and pillow. Joel carefully guides Ellie to the edge of the mattress, leading her up and out.

It's too soon. She's too fresh out of that hellhole. Tess might kill him for it later, but here's Joel taking her right back to the same spot she's been burrowing in every night, back to their bed so she doesn't have to sleep alone with all those bad memories. ]

C'mon, babygirl.

[ No words except for tiny utterances, barely audible things meant for comfort. ]

[nohalfway]

[ Without a word or even a thought, Ellie finds herself following Joel, just as she always did. It always feels like the right thing to do, regardless of her qualms and irritations. He's been her safety net for so long, and he's her only shelter in whatever world they end up in. He's all she has... ]

[ Once again, she nods, shoulder pressed to Joel's side when he guides her to the bed. Her eyes are half-lidded, desperate for sleep but it just won't come to her for long. And the promise of being literally attached to her safety-net makes sleep sound so much more obtainable. She can hardly ignore the comforting sound his voice provides now, something that would have been considered crazy once upon a time. ]

[ Her eyes shift to the partially moon-lit outline that is Tess, bundled up in the sheets and covering her head with a pillow, seemingly irritated. Ellie knows it, she's aware that Tess is furious that Ellie is still even sharing a room, much less making every evening into their bed. Like some child. The guilt is there, it's there on her features even when she lies on the edge facing Joel. ]

[ And she closes her eyes again, bowing her face forward and burying it back in Joel's chest to hide her shame. She whispers, arm wrapping around his waist. ]

I'm sorry...

[dog_eat_dog]

[Tess uncovers her head when being stifled by her own hot air is more annoying than the father-daughter bonding time going on in her bed. She does it with a huff, though, sitting up momentarily just to turn over. She can't sleep on her side with her back to them unless she feels like waking up with her bad shoulder all flared up and uglier than usual, and she's never been a stomach sleeper, so on her back is the best she can do.

And a large part of her feels bad for being such a bitch about this whole thing –– she knows it isn't easy, she knows Ellie's got some shit to deal with. Hell, she knows more than Ellie does on some parts, and more than Joel does on others. But hey, no one ever died sleeping alone in safety, and no one, not Dad, not Mom, not her brother, none of them ever fussed over her like that, even after the outbreak, and she'd turned out fine.

Sometimes Tess wonders if she even deserves being in a place as wonderful as this, the way she cuts down fourteen year olds for not having perfected putting on a strong face. But someone has to do it if Joel won't, and coddling never made anyone a survivor.

Her turn to grumble through the dark:]

This is the last time.