paradisalogs | [closed]

Entry tags:

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Who: Ellie (

dog_eat_dog), and Joel (

focusrighthere)
What: New roommates, and a little bit of an apology.
When: Early Evening
Where: Joel and Tess' home.
Rating: PG-13 as usual for bad language.

[ Well, this is it. They're far, far away from what they knew. No infected, no Fireflies, no corrupt government... Nothing. Living a normal life is something Ellie never really imagined. Hell, what she lived was normal by their standards. You survived, you hunted, and you fought to not become the hunted. ]

[ So adjusting to a place like this? Near impossible. Ellie assumed she'd stay with Joel, just as they had before, and he seemed fine with it. There was an empty room in his home he shared with others, but that didn't catch her interests at all. A room to herself? Yeah, that might seem like prime real estate for someone her age, but when you're so used to being packed like sardines in one room with another individual? It just feels like the safest route. ]

[ Ellie settles with that, making her own little place of comfort with what she can find. She takes it upon herself to steal whatever pillow or cushion she can find, piling it in the corner of Joel and Tess' bedroom with absolutely no remorse. Ellie stacks a few pillows to construct a roof, a blanket making a curtain, which she keeps draped upward and leaving her little cave uncovered, for now. It's a pretty comfortable corner, and Ellie's already taking advantage of it, pun-book in hand as she reads it lying on her back. ]

It's not that the man didn't know how to juggle, it's just that he didn't have the balls to do it.

Haaaaaaaaaaaaaah, burn.

[ She turns a page, snickering to herself when she reads another. ]

I'm glad I know sign language. It's pretty handy.

Pfffff. Good one.

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[ Ellie's eyes shift up, meeting with Tess as she lays down the law. Her arms drop, and her resolve seems to calm a bit more knowing she's not cast out for the evening. ]

[ She glances at Joel, then back to her, arms shrugging a little and her voice sounding much calmer. ]

Yeah, sure, I can deal with that.

[ She'd sleep under the bed if she had to, honestly. ]

[ It's done. Joel feels relieved when Ellie agrees, though can he definitely sense Tess' seething. He'll deal with that later. He gives the kid a squeeze on the shoulder. ]

None of us expected this. We gotta deal with it as we go.

[She keeps her hands square on her hips, eyes moving to Ellie for her confirmation and then back to Joel. She's ticked. She's not in the mood to play mommy, she doesn't want to listen to nightmares reminding her of back home, and she doesn't want to deal with any of it.

Joel will come to his senses, at least. Ellie will settle down.]

And we're dealing with it. If that's all, I'm going to hit the gym. Fort better be gone when I get back.

[ Ellie bites her tongue, wanting so much to argue the problem but knowing that the agreement they came to is the best she'll get. It hits her rather hard that this was even up for debate in the first place-- Is it really abnormal to fear being alone? Isn't that basically everyone's vice back home? Ellie would assume that this would be the way they would always deal with things, given that this place apparently has its share of problems too. ]

Fine.

[ It's in a biting tone, nothing unlike what she takes up with people she disagrees with normally. But the way she shifts behind Joel and sets her eyes back down to her feet suggests much otherwise. She's honestly ashamed of herself. Once upon a time, Ellie did fine on her own. While it might not have been what she preferred, the quarantine zones provided enough peace of mind where wandering by herself or even sleeping by herself was no issue at all. ]

[ But look at where they've all ended up. They leave to the outside, exposed to the cruelty of the world and now they're even further. Ellie came to the realization that nothing is safe over a year ago, and that fact has proven itself time and time again. ]

[ However, Ellie can't shake how stern Tess was about how strange it is to not be alone. Has she really just been a big baby this whole time? Does this make her a coward? Weak? Are her recurring nightmares just her blowing things out of proportion? ]

[ Maybe this situation is all her fault... Maybe Ellie was wrong about herself and isn't as independent as she thought. Sure, she's relied on Joel as a crutch and defense, but she thought that was what partners did. The rest of their journey, they were close-knit. Joel would have said something about her being a coward if she truly was... Wouldn't he? ]

Guess I'll go fuck off and put everything away...

[ It's not difficult to guess how Ellie must be feeling. He's been with her through most of it. Joel knows Tess like the back of his hand, so it's not difficult to guess there either. He gives her a silent look, one that wishes she would just be more patient with the kid, but he's aware that they will have words about that later.

In private. For now, he strides over to the room that has been the source of all this squabbling. ]

C'mon, I'll help you.

[ Tess can cool off elsewhere and Joel can speak to Ellie. She has to hear from someone that this isn't a big deal. He beckons her to follow. ]

[ She's not really sure what she's feeling the moment she gets to the bedroom-- Anger, sadness, disappointment? Whatever it is, it has her quickly tearing apart what she built earlier on. ]

Yeah, sure, so long as the all-mighty ruler won't attack you for it.

[ Ellie gathers whichever cushions she can in her arms, storming off to the living room to put the couch back together. ]

[ Joel clears up whatever's left while Ellie rearranges the couch cushions. Their lives here are so, well, domestic - Tess and Joel have had six months to get used to it and Ellie's had less than a week. He puts the blanket back on their bed, smoothing it out.

He has memories to rely on, too. She's never lived like this. There's a small part of him that is happy she wants to stick close, the part that feels anxious about losing her someday.

Joel follows over to the doorway and leans against the frame, arms crossed and facing Ellie by the couch. ]

Don't let her get to you.

I'm not--

[ Ellie makes a sound of irritation, smacking her hands on the cushions as if to smooth them out, even them or... Something. But it's mostly out of frustration than anything else. ]

Whatever. She's right. I'm a big baby for following basic fucking survival skills.

[ She storms back into the bedroom, bumping into Joel on her way and giving absolutely not a care about it. Ellie swipes up her books and takes them to the living room, falling onto the couch and throwing them onto the coffee table. ]

So whatever, fuck her. We'll get ransacked in the middle of the night and you guys'll survive and not me. Peachy.

Hey.

[ He stands his ground when she bumps past, frowning after her. ]

I ain't gonna let that happen. Ever.

[ Ellie sits up, glaring daggers at Joel. It's nothing against him, but she can't help how uncomfortable she feels right now. ]

It's not a matter of letting it happen, Joel!

She wants all of us to be separated, as if it's fucking safe here. People keep saying that and in the same breath, talk about how this place can switch like a fucking light bulb!

So excuse me for not wanting to be a "normal teenager" and sleep down the goddamned hallway by myself.

[ Ellie sighs, trying to cool down but all it does is make her feel worse. She stares at her feet. ]

It's like I'm the only one who feels that way. Like it's wrong.

[ A half of a sigh, Joel looking down at his feet too. He's quiet after Ellie finishes speaking, but then he moves from his spot in the doorway over to the couch, sitting next to her. ]

You're not the only one.

[ He's been missing her for six months. Having her closeby at night doesn't bother him like it bothers Tess; it's something he got used to from before and getting used to it again stems all the troubles that her absence caused. ]

It's not wrong, Ellie. We just gotta - compromise.

[ Ellie sighs, eyes shifting up to Joel. There's a look of disbelief there, because once upon a time? Joel was extremely critical of her. ]

You don't think I'm being immature?

[ There's so much disbelief in her voice, it's painful. ]

You actually want me in the room with you?

... you've been gone for months, kiddo.

[ It's hard for him to hear that disbelief. It's even harder for him to say the words. He's not a talker. Joel can't meet her in the eye and he mumbles, his voice low. ]

I don't really want you outta my sight, honestly.

...

[ That shuts her up pretty quick. Ellie's eyes go wide and her mouth parts a tad, but that doesn't last long. She quickly smirks, hands at her sides. ]

You missed me.

[ He's missed her like hell. He's been fretting like hell. Ellie might be smirking and saying it like she's got one over him, but Joel just looks tired and defeated. ]

What do you think?

[ He leans back against the couch and sighs again. ]

All I could think about is a pack of clickers or worse gettin' to you while I'm stuck here.

[ Oh, Ellie can't stop right there. Joel is obviously successful with making her cheer up a little, because she's locked onto this. She playfully shoves him by the shoulder. ]

You fucking missed me! Admit it, I totally latched onto that half-frozen heart of yours in there.

You love me.

[ Ugh, she gets a sly side-glance for that shove. Eyes flitting to hers and then away, a little embarrassed. It's all true. Joel isn't positive that she knows the full extent-- no, he's sure that she doesn't. ]

Whatever.

[ But if she's going to be twelve years old about it, so will he. It's obvious. Why the hell does she need to hear words? ]

[ Hey, twelve is only two years behind her, Joel. Unlike you. Ellie is hardly one to let anything go, especially now. Without the daily struggle of running from hunters and infected, Ellie can keep up on one subject. ]

[ She laughs, elbow continuously shoving at Joel playfully. ]

Aw, who knew it was still in ya, huh?

[ And she pats at the back of his head. ]

It's ok, Joel, I love ya too, man.

Sometimes.

[ She's damn lucky that it's true. Anyone else might get hurt for this. Joel tolerates it until he has to shove her hand away with a snort, very little force behind the act.

'Sometimes.' ]

There's a lot that you don't know. [ He shoots back. ] Adjustin' to this lifestyle's gonna be weird.

[ It has been, and he's only readjusting. For her it's a whole new world. ]

But I'm glad you're here. Alright?

[ Alright, alright, Ellie knocks it off. She pulls her hands back, crossing her arms as she leans back against the couch, her eyes casting forward to the wall. But the smile hasn't gone anywhere on her features. For all Joel tries to prove himself as anything but compassionate towards others, she's glad she somehow gets this new special treatment. ]

[ She shrugs at his commentary, and then his admission. Ellie never imagined she'd get this close to... Well... Anyone, really, but she supposes it couldn't have been helped after all they'd been through. She can't imagine being stuck here with anyone else-- Joel's quickly become something of a best friend to her, a support-line. ]

[ The closest thing to... Family, maybe. ]

Yeah.

[ Ellie closes her eyes, smile molding into a weak smirk, and she leans on him. ]

If I could've been stuck here with anyone... I'm glad it was you.

[ Once he begins to watch her out of the corner of his eyes, he can't stop. He blinks, his faces softens just enough to be noticeable. Something stirs inside at the sight of her smiling. It's happened enough times during their long journey together that he's lost count.

He understands that he's grown attached to her. Joel might've been slow to admit it to himself, but after what happened with the Fireflies, it's impossible to keep lying to himself about it. He can lie to others, to her, but not to himself. Not forever.

When she leans in against him and offers a genuine admission in return, he lets a small smile tug his mouth up.

Christ. Tess only has to give this kid a real chance. Joel tucks an arm around her shoulders and ruffles at her floppy hair, to his own surprise. ]

That so? I thawed out enough for you?

[ There's a significant difference in the lack of rifts between her and Joel. What was once an uncomfortable turn of events has become something so much less of a hindrance. Ellie can't say she knows where she would be now, were it not for Joel. It was once a clear irritation for him, an inconvenience to haul this teenager halfway across the country through the disaster that was their world. But things obviously changed over time, over the many seasons and large number of attacks they fought through. ]

[ Ellie isn't exactly the sappy type-- No, that was all on Riley, once upon a time. But she can't argue that at least a small part of her hasn't changed. Hell, she thinks Joel changed a whole lot more than she did. There were few hints at that: the first shotgun he'd handed her, when she'd taken the wheel of the truck back at Bill's... But everything took a major shift after he'd gotten injured. After David... ]

[ As much as he tries to hide it, he's not nearly as much of a jerk as she'd assumed. Joel's just a man, after all, a man who'd lost his only daughter to the slaughter. He's a man who's got the entire world on his shoulders and almost nothing to show for it. He'd lost so damn much. ]

[ She assumes she's become this sort of plug for that void, which she's okay with. Ellie's lost just as much, and Joel isn't exactly a terrible replacement to all that loss. He's taken care of her this whole time... She's grateful. Even more to see him show a bit less of that hardened exterior. So she wrinkles her nose and laughs at the ruffle to her hair, not fighting it at all. ]

Hey, don't get a big head over it. You're still a giant asshole.

[ The coldest thing to do would've been to leave Ellie behind as soon as he lost Tess. Hell, fuck cold-- it would've been the most logical thing to do. Bill was right that it was utter suicide for a grown man and a 14-year-old kid to attempt to trek all over the place in search of a dying group of rebels. Whatever kept him at Ellie's side from the moment he lost his partner (obligation, she'd said) had only grown stronger the harder they tried.

The harder Ellie tried. Joel went through the motions for her, not for some cause. He's always been alone in that arena of life. Him and Bill. Even the people who like him and stick around usually take time to make it clear they think he's a self-centered asshole for refusing to look at the world in another light.

There it is. You're still a giant asshole. Only Ellie is teasing, laughing as she says it. His arm settles, but he keeps it around her shoulder, tugging her close.

He can't lose her. He doesn't want to. Joel has found that if you remove all the stressors caused by infected and an aggressive population, it's even easier to be close to the people he doesn't want to lose. Not to mention cleaner. ]

Been called worse.

[ It's weird... Very weird. All through Ellie's young life, she's never really let herself get close to adults. They're untrustworthy, dangerous, and hardly think of anyone but themselves. Which hey, in their world? That's not necessarily a bad trait to have, but it sure as hell makes it damn-near impossible to talk to them, much less get along. Joel filled those assumptions from day one, and it took a long distance for Ellie to find herself wrong about him. ]

[ She's never had a parent, and anything close would have been the nicer soldiers who manned the quarantine zones. Even those guys abandoned her quick, not even trying to have patience for a kid who has a knack for getting in fights and stealing. Ellie can't rightly blame them, and she's not sure how Joel has gone this whole time being patient for her. ]

[ Joel keeps himself close, an arm resting around her and comfortably providing balance when she leans. She closes her eyes and smiles. Yeah, this must be what it's like to have someone proud of you-- What it's like to have a guardian. A father. ]

What, did Sarah call you shitty names too?

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