paradisalogs | Accept this confession

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Accept this confession

Who: Elektra and Fred
What: talking about the bb! Wes situation
When: backdated to the evening after Wesley's loss starts
Where: Elektra's room
Rating: PG-ish? There will be talk of really questionable parenting.

It takes a while to square away everything perfectly. She has to be sure Wesley in his current child form is actually asleep before they got into this. Out of paranoia, Elektra shuts her eyes and focuses a moment to be absolutely certain of it. Satisfied by what she sees, Elektra reopens them and gives Fred her full attention. It might look like stalling to anyone else. The story ahead of them was far from pretty or pleasant to speak of. Truly she is protective of the information and the man (or rather boy at the moment) himself. Wesley is her friend. It wouldn't be good for him to hear the story all over again given his reaction to the small mention of it earlier.

The thought of it made her visibly on edge. Even now she cannot quite shake the feeling something bad will happen to him while he is like this even if it is something as simple as being triggered from a story. It was easy to hide when he was the one worrying earlier. Now that is just them, well, Elektra is simply too accustomed to being up front with Fred now. "I think we're alright now." Elektra takes in her surroundings one last time. She thinks adults talking in the kitchen shouldn't raise any suspicion if he does suddenly wake up. It wouldn't hurt to add a little more to the scene. She needs to be able to move a little to ease her anxiety. “I should make tea. Do you want any?”

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Elektra exhales audibly. She knows where this is going. She showed something she usually kept bottled up inside so now Fred would want to see this all the way through. It should be the obvious next step in this. Elektra just never made it this far normally.

"It's fine. I was getting worked up over nothing." She chances a glance at Fred. "I'll focus on keeping him safe until this works itself out."

Fred is tempted to push past Elektra and take over the task of fixing the tea, but something keeps her back. After all, when her own head gets this busy, there's an undeniable need for her hands to be just as occupied.

"We both know this isn't nothing." She isn't going to let the conversation be completely dismissed. Still, Fred grants a small reprieve.

"You're good with him."

Elektra takes the reprieve as an opening to continue her task. She feels a little awkward hearing her say she was good with. The way Wesley behaved around her was impossible for her to dismiss. He trusted her. She must have done something right. "I have some experience. Abby, Helen, Emil..." She frowns. There is more unmentioned (Justinia, Nyuu, etc.) which is troubling to her. She hadn't given any thought to the trend before now.

"I try to tell myself not to get involved. Sometimes I can't help it. If no one else is going to what's needed..." She shrugs. It becomes her problem. "Kids are easier than adults most of the time too. That helps."

Fred had observed in the past Elektra's fiercely protective tendencies when it came to the children of Paradisa, even when they we're as close. Honestly, it was something she admired -- and something she'd always struggled with. Fred knew from the moment she chose to have her folks turn their car back towards the hotel she was likely putting any of her more traditional dreams away. Including children.

She can't think there is anything that would have made her chose differently. But that didn't prevent the occasional, wistful sense of loss.

"Is that your way of gently telling me that I'm difficult?"

Elektra smiles for the first time since they began this conversation. "No, you're one of the few I can get along with easily. I can only bear most of the others by not caring about a word that comes out of their mouths." Elektra keeps moving as she talks. She collects a variety of bags and mugs before returning to the table. She sets the bags out in a neat row beside each of their mugs before heading to grab the kettle to pour some water.

"I know that must sound cold, but it's effective."

She shouldn't be surprised that Elektra can disconnect in such a way, and that in fact she relies on it. But the image wars with the one that Fred's put together of her friend, the one that so obviously cares.

"You're doing what you have to do to survive."

Which is something Fred does understand. She glances down at the mugs.

"How long do you think he'll be like this?"

Elektra steals a glance at her mid pour for a brief second before looking back down at what she was doing. She got it in one. Apathy was one of her main survival tactics back home. She never bothered to shake it here except when it became necessary. A clearly upset woman she hardly knew in the kitchen many months ago springs to mind.

"I give it a week. Maybe two if the castle really wants to prove a point." Elektra finishes her task of pouring and take a seat. "It might be bringing him in with those memories."

Fred, quietly, continues to watch her friend. Because Elektra has tackled one of the biggest questions she's never managed to find an answer to.

"Only what's the point, exactly? Of doing that to him? He doesn't even...." What? Know her? Like her? Fred pushes past that. "I guess I'm getting tired of not understanding why."

Elektra taps her fingers against her mug thoughtfully. "We never faced down our demons properly. I like to think that was the point of being stuck in our heads. We were supposed to deal with what was inside there. If I'm right this is his chance to deal with what happened. That may also be why he remembers me. I'm supposed to help him."

Fred takes her own mug, twisting it slowly in her hands and drawing in the seeping warmth. Winter is officially behind them now. She's not entirely certain why she still feels a chill.

"But that is suggesting the castle actually wants to help us somehow."

The notion brought too many other questions on its heels. Was the castle that sentient? Did it actually communicate with them somehow, and they hadn't managed to hear? Would it stop talking to them?

The images from the expedition still haunted her.

Elektra shrugs. "Isn't it? I can't help noticing the way it's backed off." She drops the bag in her mug and stares down at it. "Maybe I'm the wrong person to judge this. This is an improvement over the situation I face at home." Elektra has only had to kill demons since her arrival. How many people would have died by now so she could keep on living there? Ten? Twenty? A hundred?

Fred pales slightly at that. Clearly, motivations of the castle aside, here is much better than there. A general thought that only becomes that much stronger with each friend that slips back home. Cordy hadn't been here nearly as long as some, and that did not protect her. How much longer did she have? Elektra? Wesley?

Still, again it came back to not understanding. To not knowing how to translate whatever the castle was trying to say. If it was at all.

My problem is I can't ever stop wondering what's next."

Elektra makes no effort to fight the amused smile that comes to her lips. "Knowing what comes next is highly overrated." She pauses briefly. "Except in the cases where it stops you from dying in some horrible way. I usually like knowing about those ahead of time."

Elektra takes a long sip from her mug. "I guess don't worry about the future is a pointless thing to ask of you."

A smile flickers, one that's long been especially tailored to Elektra.

"I don't think my head will ever not be a bit dizzy when it comes to thoughts. Sometimes it's downright hard to sleep at night."

Elektra laughs. "It's a wonder you can meditate at all with a mind like that."

And now she laughs as well. It's brief, and certainly tailored by the strain of the day. But it's there.

"Well maybe you should just remember to take that into account the next time I'm having trouble concentrating."

Elektra's amusement does not diminish. This was a nice change of pace. She sees no reason to go back just yet.

"Are you kidding? You should be happy I'm nothing like my sensei."

Her smile is downright lingering now.

"Should I be scared, now?"

Elektra shakes her head. "The day I act anything like my sensei is the day I stop fighting altogether. No one deserves that kind of treatment."

She laughs because for all Stick's manipulation and harshness, he did help in the end.

She doesn't give Elektra a lot of warning, really. If anything Fred's been waiting for the tea to cool off to protect them from any accidents. That, and for the element of surprise.

One minute they're trading words back and forth...

And in the next she's hugging her friend right. Elektra is just going to have to deal with it.

"...thank you. For taking care of him."

Elektra is dealing with it in her own way. It takes her a second to catch up with what's going on. A part of her hoped they would just keep going back and forth. Elektra doesn't want to tell Fred she doesn't deserve to ever be thanked. Really that is what she should say now. It is the truth. Instead she returns the hug, fingers gently threading through Fred's hair, and sighs.

"...stop it."

The words are muttered into Elektra's shoulder, clearly a direct order that's not considering any arguments.

A moment of surprise then an amused sound. Somehow she cannot be surprised for long that Fred saw through her. "I wasn't going to say it."

A stern glance followed, not that Elektra could see.

"You didn't have to..."

Somehow she can still feel it. Elektra looks guilty for entirely different reason now. She doesn't aim to upset Fred after all. It does not matter to her Fred can't see that look anymore than she could see that stern glance.

"I'm not going to stop taking care of him. Until this is over you can count on me to protect Wesley." And after. That goes unsaid for many reasons.

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