buy yourself another day

[impetuous]

Who: Gwaine and you
What: Random encounters
When: Saturday morning
Where: Near the gallery in town


[ Wearing modern clothing for once (sweatpants and a T-shirt that aren't his), Gwaine bounces a small, pink ball against the wall. Whenever it strikes something—wall, ground or his hand—lights arc inside it. A curious little toy, but Gwaine barely looks at it. He sits on the middle step, eyes unfocused. To any observer, his mind appears to be elsewhere. He has managed to recover a semblance of healthy coloring, but the bags under his eyes mark how fitful his sleep remains. He finds it difficult to concentrate on even simple tasks. Thus he misses his next catch and the ball bounces against the door behind him. It rolls away from him. ]

Comments

[impetuous]

[ He listens, lips parted in surprise. He couldn't speak if he wanted to. When she finishes, it takes him a bit to think of what to say. From what she had told him, he knew her life couldn't be easy, but this...He could never have imagine this. ]

Katherine... [ He breaks off to shake his head slowly. ] You're magnificent.

[eternityalone]

[If she was honest at all with herself, out of all the people she knew she had to tell this to -- this was the most important one. A part of her feels that sting of guilt that she angled it toward all the horrors of her life and left out all of the violence and death.

Hearing him tell her that she's magnificent only amplifies that. She frowns lightly, shaking her head.]

I have done horrible things, Gwaine. I've lied and manipulated. [She almost leaves this out, but she knows she needs to be honest if she's going to at the very least have some of her guilt lessened.] I've killed.

I don't feel as though I'm magnificent.

[impetuous]

We've all done that. You think my hands are clean? That you were clever enough and brave enough to survive that and still be someone I am blessed to have met? [ Crossing a line perhaps, but he lifts his hand to cup her cheek. ] You are magnificent.

[eternityalone]

[She's positive she's never going to be able to truly express what she's done outside of the castle and its city, but she knows that she's done nothing here, that the woman she is in this world is trying to regain what simple life she had before she was thrown into the chasm that is the Original family. She left Stefan with a message to 'Get angry.' back home and here she was getting her life back.

At his touch she tries not to lean into it, but she does lift her eyes to look at him.]

You are a kinder man then most. Of all the words used to describe me... [That start with the letter M...]

I was worried I'd frighten you or that you'd be upset that I kept this from you for so long.

[impetuous]

[ He shakes his head. There's a lot he's still struggling to digest, but he's not going to push her away. ]

I'm only sorry you felt you had to.

[eternityalone]

[Her brow furrows a bit, shaking her head.]

It's not that I felt I had to, I wanted to. One of the... being a vampire, I can [she takes a breath, trying not to ramble on for another ten minutes.]

One of the things that has helped me stay alive -- is my willingness to shut my emotions out. It's... it's easier to live for as long as I have if you don't let things push onto you. Going home I have seen the worst that emotions can do to a vampire and I saw the strongest thing they could do.

When I'm here -- when the castle makes me human, I - I lose that. I can't control anything and it overwhelms me to have everything not just amplified, but so suddenly. [She swallows, taking another breath.]

When I said I felt free, that going home and returning here gave me a new perspective, I meant it. I came here and I can't let my emotions be something the castle can control.

So, I didn't turn them off. [It's a BFD.]

I didn't, because I wanted to be able to tell you these things and not hide behind a lack of emotion. I wanted to mean them.

I wanted to feel worried that I'd lose something, because it's been so long since I've had that feeling.

[impetuous]

[ He's quiet for a long time (for him, at least). It's a lot to take in in such a short time. There is a lot he does not understand, a lot he can tell she is still withholding. But the smile he offers her when takes both of her hands in his is warm. ]

I can get wanting to stop running. It's exhausting. I imagine more so for you after so long. I'm honored you wished to share this with me. I have only ever wished you happiness, my lady, and if I can contribute to that in any way... I hope you find all you seek here.

[eternityalone]

[She's patient while she waits for him to speak again, allowing him time to think (hopefully) as she lets her fingers toy with the hem of her sleeve. When he does speak, she listens and nods.]

Gwaine, I've only ever pushed you away because I didn't want to allow myself to be seen as weak, to allow my humanity to give me things to be taken advantage of. Spending time with you, it makes me very happy, so you are a part of that happiness.

Definitely.

[impetuous]

So as a vampire you... [ He can't finish the diet-related question. ]

[eternityalone]

As a vampire I have certain advantages. I am quicker, I can hear better, see better - I am stronger. I can heal quickly - all of these are things that will depend on how often I have blood in my system.

I don't -- [She knows how it must seem.] I haven't taken from anyone here since I arrived. I ask the castle, it's one of the few things I'm comfortable wishing for.

Those that are close to me, those that I've told recently I've given vervain to. It's an herb that if ingested daily, it makes their blood something that I cannot ingest. Not that I would want to hurt them, but it's to protect them in case the castle does something to me.

But I am as alive as you are. My heart beats, my lungs allow me to breathe. It's just a simple change as to what I need to survive.

[impetuous]

Do you ever miss it? Being human, I mean?

[eternityalone]

Before I came here, I tried not to think about it. It was so long ago and there were things I had long forgotten, or at least tried to.

The castle... it's made me human enough times that it makes me miss it. It makes me want to give into my humanity as much as possible, because I know that I won't get that chance back home.

[She pauses... exhaling a bit.] I miss not knowing about this side of things. The naivety... it allowed me a different sort of freedom.

[impetuous]

Ignorance is bliss?

[eternityalone]

Wouldn't you agree? Knowing what you know now?

[impetuous]

That's hard to say. Knowing about something is very different from living it. I'd like to think I could accept it, but I probably would wish for the days of old.

[eternityalone]

If I gave you something, something to give you an assurance that I would never hurt you -- that I, nor anyone of my kind, could never hurt you - would you accept that?

[impetuous]

I would if it would put your mind at ease. [ He strokes her cheek with the back of his fingers. ] I trust you would not hurt me.

[eternityalone]

[The brush to her cheek makes her exhale, the slightest breath, her eyes closing for a moment too long before she looks up at him.]

The castle might see otherwise, but I want to make sure. [She's been carrying things in the pockets of her jacket for a few days now. Having worked up the nerve to tell people the truth. Vials of vervain laced water often clink in the inside pocket. As much as she'd like to get him to take the vervain every morning, she knows that it's easier to give him something to wear instead. She retrieves the pendant, a smooth black stone that's been hollowed out. The hole where the leather cord laces through the top is where she's painstakingly shoved dried vervain into the stone itself. The burned tips of her fingers healed easily and she was at least assured that it would work.]

This pendant has an herb in it called vervain. It's one of our weaknesses. If it's around you, no one like me can alter your thoughts or make you do something against your will. [She pulls out a vial, just ... to cover all her bases.] The same herb is infused into this water. I've been having people take it daily. It prevents me from ever being able to feed from your blood. [She puts both items into his hand.]

I know that the castle makes it difficult to take something every day, but the pendant is easy to wear. It won't even detract from your already rugged good looks. [She teases, trying to soften the serious tone of the conversation.]

[impetuous]

[ He laughs. ]

If rolling around in the mud doesn't do it, nothing will. I'll take them. Thank you.

[eternityalone]

Have you been rolling around in mud recently? [She teases, but is grateful that he is taking them. Klaus can't compel him now, which is a good thing. As long as he does what she asked.]

[impetuous]

[ After pocketing the vials, he slides the cord around his neck. ]

Not yet. But it's only a matter of time.

[eternityalone]

Then I am pleased to have caught you before that has transpired.

[impetuous]

What? Afraid of getting dirty?

[eternityalone]

Afraid of a little dirt? Never.

[impetuous]

Then why the issue with me being muddy?