paradisalogs | buy yourself another day

Entry tags:

buy yourself another day

Who: Gwaine and you
What: Random encounters
When: Saturday morning
Where: Near the gallery in town

[ Wearing modern clothing for once (sweatpants and a T-shirt that aren't his), Gwaine bounces a small, pink ball against the wall. Whenever it strikes something—wall, ground or his hand—lights arc inside it. A curious little toy, but Gwaine barely looks at it. He sits on the middle step, eyes unfocused. To any observer, his mind appears to be elsewhere. He has managed to recover a semblance of healthy coloring, but the bags under his eyes mark how fitful his sleep remains. He finds it difficult to concentrate on even simple tasks. Thus he misses his next catch and the ball bounces against the door behind him. It rolls away from him. ]

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[She nods, falling in step with him for the moment.]

Apparently, saving someone takes a bit out of a person. I'm glad to see your hair is the appropriate length. [There's a soft bit of teasing there, mostly a placement to gauge where his mood is.]

[ He laughs. ]

Actually I've been thinking of cutting it shorter.

[She nods, smiling at him.]

With the weather getting warmer, I'm sure that thought'll cross your mind more than a few times.

That's a good reason. Mostly I've been thinking I want a change.

[She smiles at him, there's some fondness there as she nods.]

I couldn't agree more. I've been looking toward change myself.

Oh? You're not thinking of a haircut as well? [ He tugs playfully on a lock of her hair. ]

[all dem curls]

No, I actually like my hair the length it is. Just a change in perspective, I guess. [He might notice that she does seem a bit lighter in spirits, a lot closer to how she was when she was around him when he was younger.]

I recently went home and returned, which isn't exactly rare here, but not exactly common either. It's eye-opening, to say the least.

I haven't experienced anything like that yet. How's it feel?

It's freeing? It made me realize how unique this opportunity is. To have chances that back home are impossible.

Surely nothing is impossible for one as you.

[She smiles at him, taking in his words as a kindness and not dismissing them away as simple courtesy.]

Where I'm from, there's a lot to deal with. A lot more than whatever this place can throw at me.

[ He slows a bit to peer at her, brow furrowing. ]

How is that?

At home? [She slows her steps as well, intending to find a place for them to sit at some point.]

I'm not very well-liked back home. All the years that I've lived, have been for myself and my own survival. It ... it creates a lot of enemies.

[ Bad word to use. (Or maybe right word?) He stops walking entirely. Were his sword on him, he'd have already closed his hand around the pommel. As it is, he can only regret not bringing it with him. ]

Are they here? [ Does Gwaine need to go cut a bitch? B( ]

[Her hand goes to rest to his forearm.]

They are not here. [She glances around and spots a bench, smiling she gestures toward it.] Here, we can sit and I can try to explain.

[ Fine. He will sit. And he will listen. And then he'll go sharpen his sword in case he needs to go cut someone's face off. B( ]

[She sits beside him, crossing her legs so that her knees can angle toward him.]

I've told you that I've lived for nearly five hundred years and I'm sure you thought of magic and in a way, magic is partially responsible. When I was younger, I had a child out of wedlock. It was a disgrace, it was something my family could not... they didn't want to deal with that mark upon our family name. The child was taken from me and I was banished from my home.

[She takes in a breath and glances outward toward the people milling through the city.] I left home and I tried to make something new for myself. I met a young man by the name of Trevor. He told me of a wealthy family that he wanted to present me to. I took it as flattery, as a kindness that he thought I was fit for such ... stature.

[Her gaze returns to Gwaine's.] They were two brothers. Niklaus and Elijah and I was to be given to Niklaus as a gift. A token for his birthday. I was thrilled to have something of stature again, to be wanted by a family once more. Niklaus... he did not love me though and I found myself in the company of his brother more and more.

[She smiles at Gwaine.] You remind me of him, a great deal actually. He was kind and we would go for walks while Niklaus was otherwise occupied. If I was truly honest with myself, I would've preferred to have been a gift for Elijah -- but that's not how things happened.

[She shifts slightly, moving her legs so that they cross at her ankles now.]

What Niklaus knew, that I did not, was that my bloodline - the Petrova line - was a significant one. It seems years before I was born a witch had performed a spell to allow her lineage to live on in the purest of forms. She created doppelgangers - and over the years the rarity of them actually being presented became less and less. Until I was born. My blood was the key to unlocking a curse and Niklaus had plans to use me and discard me. There was to be a sacrifice and I was to not survive the ordeal. It seems the family that had taken me in, that had provided for me, were vampires and I had not known.

I learned of his and everything changed. I stole something from his family, hoping to use it as a bargaining piece and I ran. While running I found myself injured and I sought out Trevor, thinking that he would protect me. Instead, his friend Rose intended to simply return me to the family -- knowing that to betray the family was a far worse fate.

Rose and Trevor were also vampires - things that I was not aware of when I came to them for help. Rose took her blood and healed my injuries, intending on returning me to the family to keep herself safe.

Instead, I knew that I could either return with her and die for the sake of breaking a curse -- or I could remove the value of my blood by removing the fact that I was human.

With vampire blood still in my body, I took my own life - not something to be taken lightly, but it was the only thing I could think to do.

Then... I ran. Anything I did, anything that I ever did back home was for my own survival. I never wanted to give Niklaus a chance to catch up to me, never wanted to be in the hands of Elijah to see what sort of punishment would be placed on me for such a betrayal.

I've only stopped running once -- and it was for love and it still got me nothing in the end. [She realizes that she's spoken ... a lot. So she takes a breath and glances to him.]

I can stop running here. I want to stop running here.

[ He listens, lips parted in surprise. He couldn't speak if he wanted to. When she finishes, it takes him a bit to think of what to say. From what she had told him, he knew her life couldn't be easy, but this...He could never have imagine this. ]

Katherine... [ He breaks off to shake his head slowly. ] You're magnificent.

[If she was honest at all with herself, out of all the people she knew she had to tell this to -- this was the most important one. A part of her feels that sting of guilt that she angled it toward all the horrors of her life and left out all of the violence and death.

Hearing him tell her that she's magnificent only amplifies that. She frowns lightly, shaking her head.]

I have done horrible things, Gwaine. I've lied and manipulated. [She almost leaves this out, but she knows she needs to be honest if she's going to at the very least have some of her guilt lessened.] I've killed.

I don't feel as though I'm magnificent.

We've all done that. You think my hands are clean? That you were clever enough and brave enough to survive that and still be someone I am blessed to have met? [ Crossing a line perhaps, but he lifts his hand to cup her cheek. ] You are magnificent.

[She's positive she's never going to be able to truly express what she's done outside of the castle and its city, but she knows that she's done nothing here, that the woman she is in this world is trying to regain what simple life she had before she was thrown into the chasm that is the Original family. She left Stefan with a message to 'Get angry.' back home and here she was getting her life back.

At his touch she tries not to lean into it, but she does lift her eyes to look at him.]

You are a kinder man then most. Of all the words used to describe me... [That start with the letter M...]

I was worried I'd frighten you or that you'd be upset that I kept this from you for so long.

[ He shakes his head. There's a lot he's still struggling to digest, but he's not going to push her away. ]

I'm only sorry you felt you had to.

[Her brow furrows a bit, shaking her head.]

It's not that I felt I had to, I wanted to. One of the... being a vampire, I can [she takes a breath, trying not to ramble on for another ten minutes.]

One of the things that has helped me stay alive -- is my willingness to shut my emotions out. It's... it's easier to live for as long as I have if you don't let things push onto you. Going home I have seen the worst that emotions can do to a vampire and I saw the strongest thing they could do.

When I'm here -- when the castle makes me human, I - I lose that. I can't control anything and it overwhelms me to have everything not just amplified, but so suddenly. [She swallows, taking another breath.]

When I said I felt free, that going home and returning here gave me a new perspective, I meant it. I came here and I can't let my emotions be something the castle can control.

So, I didn't turn them off. [It's a BFD.]

I didn't, because I wanted to be able to tell you these things and not hide behind a lack of emotion. I wanted to mean them.

I wanted to feel worried that I'd lose something, because it's been so long since I've had that feeling.

[ He's quiet for a long time (for him, at least). It's a lot to take in in such a short time. There is a lot he does not understand, a lot he can tell she is still withholding. But the smile he offers her when takes both of her hands in his is warm. ]

I can get wanting to stop running. It's exhausting. I imagine more so for you after so long. I'm honored you wished to share this with me. I have only ever wished you happiness, my lady, and if I can contribute to that in any way... I hope you find all you seek here.

[She's patient while she waits for him to speak again, allowing him time to think (hopefully) as she lets her fingers toy with the hem of her sleeve. When he does speak, she listens and nods.]

Gwaine, I've only ever pushed you away because I didn't want to allow myself to be seen as weak, to allow my humanity to give me things to be taken advantage of. Spending time with you, it makes me very happy, so you are a part of that happiness.

Definitely.

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